My baby is being bullied by a homophobic bully
Image via City of Memphis
Bougie got married uber young and as a result is a momma of two young boys. I have an eight and a ten year old.
Well this Sunday my oldest son who is pretty private told me he was getting bullied in school. It all started when he was on the play ground during their lunch recess. He accidentally walked up to a kid who was urinating (gross) on the playground. After that happened, the boy and a group of kids called my son gay. Not happy gay. Not as in I am gay and proud. Gay as in a derogatory term that little kids have no business knowing about until parents tell them kind of gay. Of course my ten and eight year old boys had no clue what it meant until I told them. They were confused but then ok. I told him next time it happens call me and I will personally address the parent!
Well today my little guy told me that this same little boy told my son he wanted to fight him. My son said he tried to negotiate with the little bigot but as we all know you cannot negotiate with bigots. You either confront them or circumvent them. Dad’s reaction is purely testosterone induced. Of course, he wants our son to fight. I don’t believing in fighting because kids these days are insane. Kids today are surrounded by so much violence. Because of this you never know what their reaction may be. I do not want my sons in any physical altercations but I do want them to stand up for themselves. I have taught both of my sons that physical fighting is for the intellectually challenged (see Basketball Wives). So we decided to go to the school and address this (I will let you know what happened as a result of us addressing it tomorrow).
I can proudly say that we shield and protect our children. Their world is mom, dad, the family, Sonic the Hedge Hog and Dragon Ball Z. I believe kids should be kids and not have to deal with this. Some might say it is the real world. My response is that just because you live in a war zone, are a violent bully and/or exhibit racist, sexist and homophobic attitudes it does not mean it is normal. It’s freaking nuts. If my kid is gay so freaking what. Get over it! I for darn sure hope he is proud of it. All I want are grand babies. Oh my God, I sound like my mom.
Seeing my baby in pain just hurts my heart because as a young girl I was bullied by both males and females. This happened for many years. It was absolutely horrific. But I find solace in knowing the illiterate bullies are either in jail, broke as hell or saddled with litters of children.
The questions I want to know are who teaches kids this stuff? Where did the bully get this from? What kind of parents are you to teach your children to hate?
Parents stop raising bullying weak ass mini homophobes! Karmic law says they will end up in jail, broke as hell, have litters of children or end up as soulless narcissistic homophobic opportunist like Mitt Romney. Homophobia and bullying from a child comes from somewhere. It is from the bullies parents. So how many more babies have to die and how many lives need to be ruined? Teach your kids that homophobia and bullying are wrong. If your child is being bullied listen to your child, take them seriously and talk to them. Never take their claims lightly. Bullying in your day is a lot different from bullying today. YOUR JOB is to protect our babies. So do it at all cost.
Stay Bougie
Alarming statistics on bullying and suicide:
- Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
- Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University
- A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying
- 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above
- According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying ~ Bullystatistics.org
Here are some recent articles of babies we have lost to bullying:
Gay California Teen Jeffrey Fehr Kills Himself After Years of ‘Pure Hell’
Jay ‘Corey’ Jones, Gay Minnesota Teen, Commits Suicide After Allegedly Being Bullied
Bullying blamed in Indiana teen’s suicide
U.S. News - Family: Bullying by ‘wolf pack’ led to Texas teen’s suicide
“On Thursday afternoon, after returning home from school, fifth-grader Jaheem quietly went into his room and hanged himself. His 10-year-old sister, Yerralis, also a fifth-grader, discovered Jaheem’s dead body. “His sister was screaming, ‘Get him down, get him down,’” said Norman Keene, who helped raise Jaheem since the boy was two years old. When Keene got to the room, he saw Yerralis holding her brother, trying to remove the pressure of the noose her brother had fashioned with a fabric belt.
Jaheem was bullied relentlessly, his family said. Keene said the family knew the boy was a target, but until his death they didn’t understand the scope. “We’d ask him, ‘Jaheem, what’s wrong with you?’” Keene recalled. “He’d never tell us.” He didn’t want his sister to tell, either. She witnessed much of the bullying, and many times rose to her brother’s defense, Keene said.” The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
“Rachel Ehmke, a 13-year-old seventh grader in Mantorville, Minn., died April 29 after hanging herself at her home. The months leading up to the tragedy were a whirlwind of peer abuse instances, her parents say. Now following Rachel’s Friday funeral that was met with widespread community condolences, Rick and Mary Ehmke are speaking out against the bullying they say their daughter endured at Kasson/Mantorville Middle School and online.” Huffington Post.
Eleven year old, Carl Walker Hoover took his life over homophobic bullying in Massachusetts.
“So when her 11-year-old son Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover complained to her last September of being bullied by students at the New Leadership Charter School in Springfield, Massachusetts, for “acting gay,” she did something about it. She spoke to his principal, teachers and guidance counselor and became more active in the Parent Teachers Organization. But the teasing and threats continued and Carl started acting out in school, becoming increasingly fearful and felt even more alienated. ” Essence.com
In 2007 Eric Mohat took his life over homophobic bullying.
“The News-Herald newspaper reports the parents’ claim that “teasing, verbal intimidation and name-calling — terms such as “gay,” “queer” and “homo” — would lead to pushing, shoving and hitting in the classroom and hallways.” USA Today
Some more victims of bullying:
Tyler Clementi · Ryan Halligan · Megan Meier · Phoebe Prince · Nicola Ann Raphael · Dawn-Marie Wesley · Kelly Yeomans · Jamey Rodemeyer ·
The shocking thing about bullies is, they know which buttons to push - they have a kind of provocation-intelligence. Is it innate, or learned - and if learned, is it learned from parents or from peers?
Personally I think there’s a cocktail of influences going on here. First the genes: they play a role and set the basic fight or flight architecture. Some people are just more aggressive and they’re wired that way.
But then the nurture. Bullies clearly don’t learn to negotiate life along lines of reasonable discussion. Perhaps as children they learned to grab, to push, to continue an ego-centric course without once being checked by a parent: “J, that’s not how we behave around here.”
So they learn that this is how to successfully cope. If I want something, I take it. If I meet resistance I push - either physically or verbally.
Now comes the peer learning. Just as children learn from their peers a repertoire of harmless rhymes and jokes, so too the bully sees and adopts a repertoire of phrases and taunts that ALWAYS seem to work. Some of these are childish (when I was 5 to call somebody a fatty-boomstick was the ultimate) but many are adaptations of adult fare - stuff that may have been learned from parents or from influential older peers.
I think it is quite possible for truly good parents to find they’ve raised a bully who uses homophobic taunts (learned as power-phrases in the playground). Parents aren’t necessarily to blame - though they might be.
Bullies have found a way to assert power, and so far it seems to work as a coping strategy. The only answer is to consistently bring authority (parents, school, agencies and other parents) to bear on the bullies.
Your response with you child, and to the school (and parents of the bully) are perfect. Keep those lines open with your own children.