For me, a Black woman’s relationship to rap music is like being in a horrible relationship for 30 years. I will be honest. It was good at first. Rap music was fun, imperfect and complex. There were so many genres and creative spaces. But its complexity, genius and other positive qualities it had did not outweigh its negative treatment of women who look like me. So why did I put up with it long after I should have left?
I didn’t stay with rap because I loved it or it treated me good. It didn’t benefit me in any way. It treats Black women like crap. I stayed with rap because I became used to it. I felt like I had nothing else. I mean who doesn’t love rap?
Rap makes everyone dance and smile but was quick to publicly humiliate me and call Black women a bitch or a hoe. When it did, I purposely ignored it. I reassured myself not to worry, rap music, just like my partner was just kidding. I mean rap didn’t mean to call me out of my name even though it has done it over and over and over again. It wasn’t really talking about me even though it was talking about me. Because rap loves me, right?
Now others feel license to call me out of me name too. Heck, even Black and nonBlack women rappers and entertainers are in on it. They mock my natural features and like most rap music, brown bodies like mine are used as props to proclaim their and White supremacy. But that’s ok. It’s just music and it was just playing. Rap always reminds me that I rock one day out of the other 364!
Rap redefines me and determines what others think about me until you do not know who you are. It shaped the Black woman’s image for profit where everyone cheers on my humiliation. But hey, rap isn’t all bad. It’s conscious too.
It separated me from my family by promoting colorism, ignorance and criminality. It silenced those who saw my mistreatment and spoke up for me. It called those who told me I could end this relationship with rap as haters, being jealous or claimed they are trying to break us up. But hey, Black love. Right?
After treating me like this did rap really love me? Nope. It hates me and uses me and my image for my money. Heck it’s unapologetic about it. That is why I left a long time ago. Deep down you know you cannot change rap. You cannot not beg it or pray it to change. Rap will only change when you leave and bankrupt it. Despite all that, if you choose to stay with rap I cannot judge you because it up to you. When you are ready to move on I will be here.
Black women deserve more than loving someone who despises our existence and profits from our humiliation. Black women have more power than we think. Without Black women’s financial support rap is hollow and empty. When I left rap when I realized the negative aspects weren’t worth it. I value my sanity, my health and my humanity. I have moved on and you can too.
I’d encourage you to look beyond the radios and music videos and explore the fun, creative, uplifting, vibrant world that exists outside of mainstream Hip-Hop; a world devoid of gay bashing, woman hating and hyper-consumerism. All rap is not created equally. Here are a few places to start.
http://www.oddiseemusic.com
http://www.realjlive.com/
http://www.boogiewoogiebrown.com
http://www.masaiatg.com
What you just describe sounded like my marriage, my relationships with the family who adopted me and former friends. I would just keep running into these folks with the negative traits you described and after I thought that maybe that’s how people are here and began to accept it as normal all though it still was uncomfortable as hell. After being exposed to BWE and getting much needed therapy, while I’m still struggling, I am finally getting some long overdue peace of mind. Excellent post!
Thanks Kathy!!
Lets talk its National Donate Life Month.I wonder how many of you out there are organ donors?Right now in America alone there are over 121,000 people waiting for organ transplants.Although all types of organs and tissues are needed approximately 95,000 of those are kidneys.This should strike a chord with all your followers especially in the Black community.Many people do not have to look to hard to find someone they know on dialysis.Your organs are certainly your choice to give but don’t be upset when someone in your family needs one and they are not there.18 people die everyday waiting and with over 60% of the folks waiting being people of color not 60% of the folks on the registry.Do the math.You may be able to take organs from any ethnicity but chances are matches can be more common in some organ donations.Sign the cards people we are the ones dying http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80beVSIXONA
Thank you for sharing!!
I hate Rap music so much. Thank God, I don’t listen to such monstrosity! So much cussing, misogyny, promoting drug and sex abuse etc. This has to be the worst genre of music to be ever created and it is sad because Rap started out as a good genre of music.
These days I listen to Michael Jackson, Chaka Khan, Anita Baker and REAL R&B and Soul.
Me too!
You might consider listening to many of the diverse genres of Hip-Hop that aren’t part of the mainstream. There is a plethora of rap music that doesn’t fit what you described. Sadly, the media does a good job of trying to lump all Black art into one mold. Mainstream Hip-Hop isn’t a true reflection of the art today.
I agree with your sentiments about commercial rap music. However, I must say Common, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and many others still value us. I think sometimes by only acknowledging commercial rap we allow others to disregard rap music that is still “conscience.” Idk maybe I am wrong I just feel like the over arching umbrella of Rap music is my dysfunctional family but I still have a few cousins and uncles etc. who love me- i.e. the rappers listed above. I am interested in reading others thoughts.
This sounds like. The way I’m feeling.
Hey Kris. It’s awesome you still support rap. I just can’t. I can’t take the humiliation.
I want to add to this the “dehumanization” of women over the years as well. If you think about how men used to refer to women over the years as each year passes we are being reduced to just our sexual identification.
Men when they would discuss women used to
“These women out here……” then its
“These broads out here……” next it was
“These Bitches out here……” now its…
“These Females out here…..”
Correct me if I’m wrong when a women was called a “bitch” she lost it. See “bitch” is terminology for “female dog”. Now women are just “female”, which is the non-explative way to call women a “bitch”. Here entire Humanity has been taken away when she is referred to as a “female”. Every animal in the world has a “male” and a “female”. And it doesn’t matter what the woman’s behaviour is or has been no one has the right to call her just a “female” to disregard her humanity.
Once we start to allowing that to happen we are saying .people can now put limitations or status on who is and who isn’t a woman and her actions will determine this and that is not something we need to allow to happen. Men are already calling women animals in “CRap” music, Rick Ross refers to a woman as a “Clydesdale”, that’s a horse. Unless web put a stop to this now there is no telling how far it will go to the disrespect of Women.
Amen!!
Girl, you betta write! Absolutely brilliant!
Aww thanks.
[…] I have been officially kicked out the Black peoples club. You see, I recently wrote two posts about giving up rap music and imagining what if Black women treated Black men the way they treated us (check them out if you […]
I like only a few rap songs, mostly older ones where you don’t hear the N-word and insults targetted at black women. As a black minority in a predominantly white country I was intrigued by rap music because it showcased black people,so I felt a connection to it. But then, listening to the lyrics and watching some clips I was more and more disappointed. Why those insults? Why so much negativity? Whom does it benefit? Because it certainly isn’t us, the black and coloured people. It only affirms negative stereotypes and we blindly support it. These days I almost don’t listen to rap and hip-hop songs anymore as I think this type of music has lost it’s sense of purpose. Or actually, it gained a new one: to make us all look like lost cases. And I refuse to support that in any way. Sometimes I feel that black music has been taken over by someone who doesn’t have our best interests at heart. It needs new icons.