An open letter to “Pick Me” Black women who hate Black women

Before we get into the letter, let me define what is a “pick me?” According to the Bougie Black Girl Dictionary (I made that up), a “pick me” woman is defined as a Black woman sick with ashy-peen-itis. She’s obsessed with it. “Pick me” women are more misogynistic than most men. She centers the entire Black existence around Black men. 

How can we spot a “pick me?” The pick me occasionally refers to men as “men” and Black women as “females.” She’ll do anything including trashing other Black women for a pat on a back and a like on Facebook. She follows well-known Black men misogynists on social media and lurks their comment sections proclaiming she’s a different kind of Black woman.

The “pick me” mentality is:
1. A Black woman’s relationship status determines her worth. Being a single Black woman means you should shut up because you’re defective and no one wants you. If you’re a single mom, well, you’re the devil.
2. Community peen is acceptable because man sharing is better than no man at all.  NonBlack men are not an option. No chocolate for you Jake!
3. Men shouldn’t pay for child support because the man, not mom, and child would suffer. By the way, the pick me thinks since the mom picked him and should’ve been psychic, she and her child should suffer.
4. Feminism, contraceptives, the right to vote, the right to work for equal pay, weave and makeup caused the destruction of the Black family.
5. Weave, makeup, and relaxers are evil.
6. Wigs, tap water and weaves “turn” Black children gay.
7. Black men are always right, and Black women are always wrong.
8. Black men are always right, and Black women are always wrong.
9. Black men are always right, and Black women are always wrong.
10. And Black men are always right, and Black women are always wrong.

Now that we’ve defined the “pick me” let’s move on to the letter.


Dear Pick me chicks,

I dislike you with the heat of 100,000 white-hot suns. You’d do anything, even down your sisters for a pat on the head from a negro who wouldn’t look at you if you were the last hot wing at a Superbowl party. In fact, that man hates the way you look because you look like me. He hates you even though you scream about not having a weave and a relaxer. He hates you even though you don’t wear makeup and believe KFC, a can of Fanta and sex in a car is OK for a date. That man, your pandering to, hates you because you’re Black.

Here’s the truth. You’re sick with ashy-peen-itis. You’ve got a self-hating demon in you and I rebuke it. If you don’t change your traitorous peen obsessed ways, I hope all of your ancestors snatch your edges in shame. I hope you age like non-GMO tomatoes in the sun. I hope when you get old your kids drop you off at Shady Pines Nursing Home and never visit your ass. I hope all your hair gel flakes and your edge control fails. I hope your bonnet falls off your head at night and your hair rubs against a cotton pillow. I hope all your chicken is unseasoned and dry. I hope all your soda is flat and your kool aide is sugarless. Sister get help, self-respect, and self-esteem. Be gone you old foul and filthy Black woman-hater and stand with your sisters.

With the love,

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  1. angelaroselle 5 May, 2017 at 11:03 Reply

    Such Black women have internalized misogyny and hatred of themselves and other Black women. These women are male identified and identify as Black men. To me, the danger these women present to the livelihood of Black womanhood outweighs the danger misogynists, sexist, colorists and violent men present to it. I try to distance myself from such women.

  2. A supporter 25 June, 2017 at 07:22 Reply

    Wahou thank a lot . You describe every woman in my family it is awfully disturbing . When I was growing I did not understand their obsession with the me. Even if I am cis it was too much . Thank you .

  3. T 2 July, 2017 at 23:58 Reply

    Lmmaaooo!! Unseasoned and dry chicken!! That’s a fate worse than death but no consequence is too great for those pick me’s. Unfortunately, those “pick me” girls get older and all of a sudden they’re an authority figure/parent/”guardian” to little black/biracial girls. It really makes me angry and sad to have experienced it, witnessed it (my abusive ex has a terrible black mom who raised two emotionally and morally bankrupt 30+ year old narcissists and to her, her ‘children’ can do no wrong even if they cheat on their pregnant girlfriend turned wife OR quit their job so they can live off of their high achieving gf, not to mention the biggest narcissist of them all, the dad who was allowed to dictate how everything in that family went, which explains the nastiness, rudeness, lack of motivation, lack of goals and EXCUSES) and even took part in it (that cool girl culture crap needs to die as well!) but woke the fuck up when I realized the bigger picture and what my behavior was actually saying. I can go on and on about that and how she’ll let her grandchild, my former niece get bullied at home by my ex, her uncle and whenever she finally snapped, grandma would immediately shut her down. She would have to be REMINDED to check the fucking adult, after the 5 year old! Madness.

    I can only hope that other black girls break out of that and learn to ignore or completely cut out those type of black women in their lives. They are lost and will only push you off your own path.

    Of course there’s a reason for this as well, whether some kind of abuse or some other traumatic event that causes a certain race and gender to publicly/privately shit on those who look just like them to make another race and gender feel socially superior because that’s simply not natural. Making the conscious decision to spread that kind of awful “advice” will only continue to kill communities.

    Whoa, guess that was building up for a while, haha.

    I love the blog, I have subscribed.

  4. palefloret 22 July, 2017 at 00:52 Reply

    Yep, yep and more yep. These women don’t think why is it that the BW they are talking about (dogging) are wearing weave, relaxers, blonde, red etc. hair, blue contacts and or bleaching their skin? If said BW are living in a predom or all black neighborhood/community then that shouldn’t be too hard a guess. But it often is lost on many of these women.

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