So my teenage relative posts on social media that she wants a baby. Here is my response to her…
This post isn’t representative of everyone’s experience but this is what I saw. This post is not PC or idealistic because it is meant to be real. If you are mad at this post perhaps you need to take a look at you. I will not hold my tongue when it comes to Black girls. You want childless little Black girls to suffer I don’t. Let this post be a warning to them.
Get on birth control, have sex, travel, make friends, date a lot, join a sorority, make a lot of money, stay in college, have standards and in five to ten years get married to someone who is worthy of you. Having a baby, especially if you are a single mother aka another baby mama is hard and for many humiliating. I couldn’t do it. That’s why I married. I told him I am not a baby mama. I am a wife. Guess what? He married me.
The truth is as a mother you are no longer free to go and do as you choose. If you are not married that man will not stay because you popped out his child. He is looking for better, meaning unmarried, no babies and educated (not you if you want to be another baby mama). Women and men who are uneducated, broke and pop out litters of babies are low quality people.
When you have a child you are responsible for another human being. If you are working at a low wage job you will be poor and struggle. Being poor is hard. If you are really poor you will have to get on welfare and that is shameful. Yes it is because those government people intrude upon every aspect of your life. Living on $200 cash and $300 in food stamps a month in a poverty-stricken, broke down apartment with high crime (because that is all you will be able to afford) is not living. It is merely surviving like homeless dogs do on the street.
The next thing that will happen is that you will ask the father for help and he won’t. He will question the paternity of the child because he doesn’t want it. He will question your judgment because you laid down without a condom with a man who never committed to you. That shows low standards and men resent low standards. You will fight with his other girlfriends who have children but his main girlfriend is childless and degreed. He will take care of her but won’t give a damn about you or his baby. They will laugh and mock you because you’re stuck with his baby. You are nothing but a baby mama and free ass when ever he wants it. While the father of your children (note children because you will pop out more of his spawn in a desperate attempt to keep him) and your childless friends will be having fun and you won’t because you will be at home with babies and leaving multiple messages on his cell phone begging him to help you. You will get fat and have stretch marks. So those cute outfits and bikinis are done. I worked out until my last month of pregnancy and still gained weight. People will look at you and judge you.
Eventually you will quit chasing your child’s father and start looking for a replacement daddy. You will go through many men who are just like your child’s father because deep down you really want him. You may think it is because you still got it. You do but it is really because those men see you as low quality easy ass because you are a baby mama and not an ex-wife. They see your desperation and are ready take advantage of it. They will have sex with you. They may even impregnate you, stay in your home, eat up your food and run up your bills but regardless of the magical things you can do with your lady parts they won’t marry you because they too are looking for a high quality woman. After years of being treated like crap you will ask yourself why you attract no good men.
You will have to question every man who comes around your child because he might be a child perv. You will pay for everything by yourself for 18 years. The child’s father may give you a few bucks but that won’t be enough. Eventually you will have to explain to your child why dad isn’t around, why you weren’t married to their father and why do all of your children have different last names if you are lucky enough to have the fathers sign the birth certificate. When you are 30 you will eventually want better for yourself and you will go back to school. That was something you could have done in your 20’s but you wanted a baby. You will be working during the day while going to college at night. People will admire your effort but in the back of their minds they are wondering why you didn’t go to college and then have kids in the first place. Your kid will resent you because you didn’t do things the right way. You weren’t around because you had to work during the day and go to school at night and their real dad wasn’t around.
In your forties you will learn from your mistakes. You will marry someone who put another woman through the same crap you went through. But hey, you are in love but still broke. After all that unnecessary struggle and wasted time your child may end up a single, poor, uneducated, and struggling parent just like you. Do you really want that? Do you want to regret not living your life for you?
Instead of wanting a baby want a degree and money. How do I know this? I saw my friends go through it. That is why I did not. Achieve something. Babies can wait. As your aunt ********** said, child get you a dog. Don’t become another god damn baby mama.