A Black man who says he doesn’t date Black women is doing Black women a favor.


So this post “Why These 3 Black Men Won’t Date Black Women” featuring three men who won’t date Black women has been floating around the internet. It was from the inherently antiBlack women “Iyanla: Fix My Life” show. She is. I know what I saw. You can disagree, but that’s not the point of the post. Y’all you should see the reactions to the article and video. They range from anger to sisters down right begging and writing open letters to Black men who hate them. Stop it y’all!

Let’s have a come to Black Middle Eastern Jesus and Black goddess sisterhood moment. If a Black man says he doesn’t date Black women, for whatever reason, I don’t care if he claims we all have attitudes, our weaves caused the apocalypse or is mad because we didn’t make the sun rise today, girl tell him thanks for the favor.

He. Did. You. A. HUGE. Favor. Unlike the jokers who play games in Hollyweird by pretending to like Black women for money, but marry nonBlack, he told you the truth. He is telling you upfront without you giving up your time or energy he isn’t the man for you. That’s a good thing because you don’t have to invest a hair follicle in them. You can focus on more important things like what’s for dinner, when is your next hair appointment, why is there lint on your shirt and why is Cinnamon Toast Crunch so darn good.

One more thing. Sis, stop trying to figure out why they don’t like Black women or begging Black men who hate Black women to pick you. We know why they hate Black women. Some of the biggest White supremacists are Black and these ashy ass men are Black-White supremacists. Sis, regardless of how much you engage in mental gymnastics by trashing other Black women while uplifting Black men, they will never pick you. Regardless of how you wear your hair or how little makeup you wear, he won’t pick you. Regardless of how long your skirts are or your sexual prowess on his ashy peen, they may screw you and take your money for their movie, but they won’t pick you. The fact is they won’t pick you because you’re Black. Remember it’s not your fault. That’s their problem. Not yours.

I had to add this song because it sums up this post.

Life is so short sis. Why waste your time trying to change, fix, guide, uplift or save a Black man who doesn’t like Black women? You aren’t Iyanla. You won’t get a blue ribbon for trying to save his self-hating behind. You’ll get a lifetime of misery. Fixing him was his parents’ job. His parents failed, not Black women. A man who is a healthy adult doesn’t need all of that anyway. Begging men who hate you makes you look pathetic and only increases their hatred of you. It also takes your energy, attention and time away from men who do want you. Let other nonBlack women have his damaged ass. He needs counseling anyways.

Because of this post, I will probably be called all kinds of bed wenches by Black men who wouldn’t date or marry (if you’re lucky) women darker than an egg-shell. I will also be probably told by their Black women supporters, that this one post, not crime, gangs, poor schools, poverty, racism, sexual abuse, and broken families is destroying the Black community. We know this post isn’t, but the thing is I don’t care what they say. I’m here for you sis.  Aren’t you tired of begging, pleading, wishing and hoping? I get tired seeing Black women do it.

My advice is to forget about the guys who hate you and focus on guys who want you. I don’t care if it the package is Brad, Kim, Sanjay, Kofi, Ali or DeAndre. Hey y’all!! Focus on guys who will treasure, protect, provide and love you. Sis, as someone really wise said, “go where you are loved, not where you are tolerated.” The world is yours sis. Trust me you are loved,  you deserve love and so much more.

Check out my bedwenchery ways.

menThe only limit you have, is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.

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  1. Jim McGuiness 28 September, 2016 at 12:38 Reply

    Funny title. I didn’t read or listen–don’t have time at moment but viva women of color. As beautiful and precious as anything in the known universe.

  2. MelaninforMelancholy 28 September, 2016 at 13:06 Reply

    Girl… Girl!

    I just want to say that I am so glad I found your blog and I could not agree with you more. Like I always say, if I wanted a fixer-upper, I’d buy a house. I would much rather a black man be real than ride the fence for his benefit. *cough* Michael B. Jordan *cough*

    What do think about people who criticize black women for not wanting to support black actors and artists who choose not to date or marry black? A lot of women say “As long as he doesn’t say anything bad about black women publicly, I will continue to support him.” But for me, finding out someone whose work I respect and admire has a “preference” that eliminates an entire group of women who look like him (and me!) still stings a bit. I wish it didn’t. But I’m being real here.

    I haven’t watched that video. Don’t really care to. But I have to wonder what Iyanla’s motivation was? It saddens me to see so many broken people going to her for help when I’m not even sure if she’s properly trained or qualified to handle their issues. Ever since that whole Debi Thomas debacle, I’ve been sideyeing her. She seems kind of exploitative to me.

    Mother wit, common sense, and the “divine goddess within” don’t exactly qualify you to be a “spiritual healer” or “life coach.” Has anyone actually left this show better off than when they went on it?

    Also, when the inevitable black-woman haters and their hand maidens come to comment on this post and rake you over the coals. #ImWithYou

  3. nhenze 28 September, 2016 at 13:34 Reply

    I come from congo the last three years I have being working two jobs to support my boyfriend so that he could not work and just focus on his studies in Canada I would send him money every month so that he could pay all his expenses and on top of it back home I was helping his family too and a child that he left behind from his exgirlfriend she calls me sister cause I help her other babies too .I would sell my holidays out so that I could by a ticket for him to come home and spend holidays with his family .after three years he comes back with a diploma I was able to save and I bougth a house and a new car i helped him to get his papers ready and we sta,rt to look for a job for him for six months while he was looking for a job i was the one putting food on table paying the bills petrol everything .but while i was at work he was dating other women behind my back in the end he made both of them pregnant and left to marry one of them ,he planed all this while he he was living with me, one of the women live next to my house i found out cause i saw the engagement pictures on facebook not even a member of his family told me of what was going on ,so they are the ones now enjoying all the fruits of my hard investment i lost 10 kg in two days .don’t i have a reason to be angry ? and then comes a black men and says he does not date angry black women .i said to them thank you very much .

    • MelaninforMelancholy 28 September, 2016 at 21:37 Reply

      You have every right to be angry. But don’t you ever again in life sacrifice yourself, your well being, and your mental health to support a man. Especially one you’re not even married to. Never invest more in a man than you do in yourself and your future. No self respecting man would ever ask or allow the woman he loves to bend over backwards that way to support him while he contributes nothing.

      You deserve better. Better will come along. And you’ll be grateful your ex is someone else’s problem. The one he married will realize she didn’t get a prize b/c he will continue cheating and mistreating women.

  4. Miss Bee Kay Gee 28 September, 2016 at 14:50 Reply

    I truly appreciate your letter to black women. I am also an African-American woman. I am so angry that Iyanla will even give these ashy ass men air time.

  5. Jacqueline Howard 28 September, 2016 at 15:58 Reply

    It’s about time we started waking up…I tried to date a black voluntarily….once…but he screwed up on the first date saying I was the darkest girl he would date…shit….I kicked that fool to the curb…and MOVED ON….HE thought he was…get this..COMPLEMENTING me! That was 1986….NEVER LOOKED BACK.
    SOOOO…I became a what you call it ….bedwench?
    With commitment, diamonds on my left finger…and a man INTERESTED IN ME AS A WOMAN…NOT A COLOR OR AN OBJECT!

  6. Amourelle 28 September, 2016 at 16:00 Reply

    Preach????. Traveling outside of the US was really eye opening, because there are so many men over that would fall over their feet to date a black woman. It was awesome lol. So whenever I see black men doing this I roll my eyes and keep it moving,because I know I have waaaaaayyyyyyy better options than their bitter self hating a**es

  7. Jacqueline Howard 28 September, 2016 at 16:00 Reply

    I am happy to see my sisters…well happy.
    Leave the DANC (dumb ass negros club).

  8. Leola 28 September, 2016 at 16:09 Reply

    Thank you for this. I wasn’t always this practical about my opinions on this, but I also came to that same realization. When I hear this, I’m actually grateful for the honesty. Now I know not to waste my time thinking about him. On to the next! There are many, many fish in this sea.

  9. annebeth 28 September, 2016 at 19:38 Reply

    Black women need to expand their dating pool and forget Black men that have zero respect for us, blame Black women for ALL the problems in the Black Community and look towards Non Black men as husbands. It is time for the Black man that hates Black women to “come out of the closet” and be true to themselves. They can all run to White women and let them march the next time one of them gets shot by the police. I have better things to do like shop, get a massage or a pedicure.

  10. Lynne White 28 September, 2016 at 20:19 Reply

    Soo happy these not worth the time of a Black woman go to a different race. There is no love lost that you don’t date black woman. We are so much better off that you don’t. Clearly you have no clue of who you are…you
    have abandon your race, turn your back on your fathers and mothers and other relatives. We have no use for you… gone!! YOU are ugly and clearly uneducated and not worth the time of a beautiful black woman….My hope for each of you stupid…unknowing who you are and where you came from…..please go get a white woman and I hope each of you get herpes and riot in hell….bye!! We will not waste time or any energy on you worthless….stupid, not worth being called men….idiots….

  11. Lynne White 28 September, 2016 at 20:31 Reply

    All three and just stupid….I can appreciate any person….of any color…beauty, intelligence. But it is when you exclude…. and you base that on color. You are a stupid….and you speak like you are just plain stupid. But I do realize that these stupid guys really are stupid……women are beautiful…period if your preference is another race…ok….say that…but to exclude…you have a self loathing and you are not aware of it….but again I say…..please move on we are much better off having you be with another race and spreading your worthless self there and not in the black community….really you are not worth the time and truly we prefer you ruin someone else’s life. Because you know that your are a piece of s#@t. I think I have made myself very clear….:)

  12. linda 28 September, 2016 at 21:00 Reply

    All I know is that once I stopped dating Black men (1991), I started having money. There is no quicker path to financial ruin than a Black man and your bank account. Black men will have you spending your money on useless, worthless, superficial things like rims, tattoos and porn- all for their benefit. Why not experience something new and exciting for yourself, like good credit or a mortgage or a college fund for your kids? You’ll never have any of this with a Black man hangin’ around. Kick ’em to the curb and watch your nest egg grow!

  13. MsBrome 29 September, 2016 at 11:20 Reply

    I’mma get to viewing the video; but that negro is wearing Overalls! The Nerve and Gall; and he’s dressed like a share cropper…

  14. Mimi 1 October, 2016 at 22:29 Reply

    I’m glad I watched the video and did not prejudge. Iyanla did a good job of exposing them for what they were: manchildren. Granted she is making money on this hot topic, the black male/black female divide; but, she exposed them for what they were.

    I could care less about these types of men. When a woman becomes first committed to herself, these types don’t even cross her path and when they do, they get turned off, tuned out and shut down with a quickness.

    Also, I hadn’t been on this site (or any site) in a couple of months and I want to send my condolences to you and your children on the death of your husband.

  15. Alexander 28 January, 2017 at 21:53 Reply

    Hey I know that this is old but as a black man I’d like to say stop complaining. I personally prefer not to date black women because I know how hypocritical they can be at times. I hate how black women believe in the idea of “The Black Queen” as if they’re mightier than everyone else. Honestly I hate any woman who truly believes because they had to struggle they are better than everyone else.
    I’m not saying be submit to stupid dudes who will treat you wrong. I’m saying just learn to think before you yell at a man for 2 hours because he disagreed with you

  16. Athena Andrews 18 February, 2017 at 05:41 Reply

    Omg I just found your blog. The first one I will subscribe to. I am too busy most days to read past a paragraph, but I’d love to stay tuned to all of your thoughts. Blessings to you????

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