I was in a group and someone asked what advice would you give young women. Instead, I want to focus on Black women because you are my sisters. Here is the truth. Older Black women failed us. Our mothers, aunties, grandmas and elders failed us. They told us to keep our legs closed, pray all day, fix broken people, find us any ole man, pump and dump his babies, struggle, be the backbone, feel pain, and wait to die so that you can go to heaven. They’re liars and are wrong.
You see their advice sent us into the world unprepared and primed to be used and abused. Then these mothers and their sons blamed us for messing up. Why did they send us into the world unprepared? These women went through abuse, disrespect and being treated like trash. Suffering and making bad choices is supposedly our rite of passage. Perhaps they are jealous because you have the choice to live better than they have. Who knows? All I know is not here sis and not I.
I’ve put a list together of the advice I would give any Black woman. Here are my observations based on what I have lived and seen. My views are not PC and I don’t care. I will not do what our elders did. I will tell you the truth because I love you and I want Black women and girls to have the best life possible. We sisters must stick together and protect each other. That means hearing the beautiful and the ugly. These are things Black women NEED to hear to survive and THRIVE. Put on your seat belt because this will be a bumpy and ugly ride.
- Accept nothing less than the best in love, your career, and in your life. That’s the key to happiness.
- Your past doesn’t have to be your future.
- Take responsibility for your life. You control your reactions, emotions, choices, body and life.
- Travel the world.
- Try everything. Even the stuff that scares you. Our fears are irrational.
- Date! I mean actual dating. Not this Netflix and chill trash. Netflix and chill is an option men give women so that he can get cheap booty. Give that to him and he’ll always treat you like cheap booty. Men value women who demand more.
- The dating stage is where he is supposed to prove his worthiness of you. If you tell a man you don’t like expensive meals, dates, etc., because you are afraid he will think you are a gold digger or you’re different from other women (who’ve probably said the same thing) he’ll always give you cheap. Again, men value women who demand more. If he gives you cheap on his best, imagine what he will do on his worst.
- Date all kinds of men. Pick a mate based on their actions and not potential.
- Stay away from broke and broken men that need to be fixed. People aren’t projects to be put together. That is what therapy is for and you aren’t a therapist.
- Men show us who they are. Some of us refuse to listen. After the relationship is over, we wonder why things went wrong. You just refused to listen.
- If a man can’t afford a date, he certainly can’t afford marriage.
- Never chase a man. It reeks of desperation. When you’re desperate you can be manipulated. You have the power. Use it. Let men prove they are worthy of you.
- If a man loves you, he will come to you with his sh** together. If not, he’s holding you back because he’s afraid you’ll find someone better.
- If a man asks you “what do you bring to the table” he doesn’t value womanhood and he isn’t ready for you. You are the table, forks, plates, napkins, spoons and the butter A woman’s presence instantly improves a man’s quality of life. A married man lives longer. He is healthier and happier. He has a support system. It is women who have the most to lose in marriage.
- If he disrespects you the first time and you let him get away with it, he will do it again. Men love to see how far you will let them go. If you set boundaries from the start and stick to them, they will not cross them.
- Get on birth control. Having children you can’t afford is an easy way to get in poverty.
- Wait until marriage to have children and make sure he is a provider. Children need more than love. I don’t give a damn what people think. Sure, some children came out fine, but why take that chance when you don’t have to. Raising children is hard and expensive as heck. Children NEED stable financial and parental support.
- Never forget your girlfriends while you are in a relationship. If he is gone, you’ll always have your girls’ shoulders to cry on.
- Have a life. Be interesting. Like I said earlier. Travel! Learn another language. Find out who you are. Finding out who you are, separates you from the masses who copy someone else. We copy others because most of us are boring
- Love yourself more than you love any man.
- Fall in love with a man who loves you more than you love him.
- If you can’t do any of the last 17 things, go to therapy before getting into any relationship. Fix you first.
- Use protection. If a partner doesn’t want to use protection, leave him. FYI, you can always use female condoms.
- Don’t be nice. Be polite. Don’t take anyone’s sh**.
- Don’t hesitate to cut toxic people out of your life. If they cared about you, they wouldn’t be toxic. These people are time wasters and energy stealers. Their purpose serves to distract you from achieving your goals. Get some ovaries and get rid of them.
- Don’t live in the hood. Move out. Your mental and physical health depends on it. Living in violent neighborhoods means stress and bad choices. By the way, you can’t do anything if you’re dead.
- Avoid helping jobs. They don’t pay well. Don’t try to save the world. Get a lucrative career and help by donating to charity.
- What people think about you is none of your business.
- Surround yourself with successful people. You are who you spend the most time with.
- Take a financial management class and do the opposite things poor people do when it comes to money.
- Buy things in cash. You will save money.
- If you need credit, pay your bills on time.
- Save as much money as possible and never spend it on or lend money to men who are not your spouse. If they have their sh** together, they shouldn’t be asking you for money.
- If an opportunity comes, take it. Don’t hesitate. Don’t wait. Stop worrying about family or friends. This is your life. JUST DO IT! You may never get that opportunity again.
- Prayer is great. Prayer without action is nothing but talk. Take action.
- It is a privilege for others to be in your space. Remember you deserve the best. Anything less is selling yourself short.
We Black women can’t afford to be passive. We must put ourselves first. If not, people eat you up and spit you out and then blame you for them hurting you. We must be on a ruthless pursuit of our self-actualization and happiness.
Please share this post so that Black women who need to see this can get this message. The only limit you have is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.
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