Childless by choice vs Parents: Who loses?

Aren’t you tired of the childless by choice vs. parents “debate?” Heck, I am.  It is another way to force societal pressures on another human being and pit “us” against “them.” The problem is that too many of us let what others say dictate our lives. Those messages leave us unhappy and unfulfilled because we were living someone else’s life. We then feel the need to impose our choices on to someone else. If you are childless by choice, so be it. If you want to have children, do it, but let’s not demonize others for making choices for themselves.

I am so tired of hearing people with kids they shouldn’t have had themselves call people who are childless by choice selfish. This especially happens to women who are childless. Now try being a Black woman and being childless. Throws the fist up in solidarity. You see the stereotype is that Black women are supposed to mass produce litters of children. It is out of Black solidarity. We are also supposedly destined to be strong Black, independent and broke baby mamas who can make a dollar out of 15 cents. MEH!

Childless by choice sisters are not selfish. They are doing what is right for them. Heck, it costs over $241k to raise a kid.  That total doesn’t even include college.  With car loans, student loans and all other legal forms of financial indentured servitude, being childless is pretty smart. Heck, the world is already overpopulated as it is. Why contribute to it? And if you watch some of the videos on the internet, it is pretty scary that some people are even allowed to reproduce. Parent you know what is selfish? What is selfish is bringing a child into the world that you can’t afford take care of and/or without the support of both of the child’s parents. Yes, both. It takes two to make kids and in an ideal situation, two should raise them.

Deep down parents who call childless people selfish want them to miserable just like their ass is. Parents who call childless people selfish are jealous because others made a choice to not have children. Here is the deal. Childless people get to go when and where they want at any time. They can save money and most importantly they have freedom. Now you know why childless people, especially Black women face hostility.

I am also tired of hearing childless people call parents breeders. I will admit there are people who have litters of children like those weird Duggar people or the dude that has 34 kids by 17 women. But most parents have at most three children. My hubby and I are the proud parents of two sons who are taken care of and extremely well-behaved. Some might say spoiled. OK, they are my babies, so I have to.

Now imagine being the parents of Black children. We all know what others think of our kids. Black children and their parents face additional burdens, pressures and obstacles in education, income, healthcare and other things that are extremely challenging. With all of that, some may see kids as an inconvenience, but for many of us children are gifts. Even if that means standing in line for eight hours in the cold to buy a doll or skipping lunch to save money just to make sure our kids have an awesome holiday season. We’d do anything to see our babies smile. We see the beauty of our children growing, navigating life and finding their unique identities.

Look, I am sorry when a kid cries in public or kicks your seat on the plane. That is what they do. If you think that is crazy, imagine what we are going through 24 hours a day and seven days out of the week, ha! My sons have learned to hide their socks in unnatural and unmentionable places. Ew, the joys of parenting. Did I mention this doesn’t stop at 18? Parenting is a lifelong job. Just ask your parents.  Please remember children are learning what is and what is not acceptable. So if you see a child having a temper tantrum or asking you a question, please patient. Now we won’t able to address it as quickly as you would with an adult, but we will try our best. Remember, you were once a little curious and deeply opinionated child that has now grown up and became a fine human being. One day our kids will too.

So who loses? We all do when we try to impose our reproductive choices on someone else. Let’s all agree to stay out of each other’s as the kiddies say, “junk.” Let’s put this “debate” in a six-foot hole, throw dirt on it and let it rest in peace. Mind your own business, appreciate your choices and live your life.

Thanks for reading!

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