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It seems like there is a contingent of people who want Black women to settle. We have all dealt with it. If you focus on your education, your career or business you are being bougie, uppity or think you are better than somebody else. If you have standards for a potential partner they are quick to say settle, man share or lower your standards. If you stand up for yourself you are being a b****, a hater or other derogatory words. If you want to live in a nice place they will tell you to stay in American war zones and dodge bullets, gangs and other madness for the sake of saving the community. These are all tactics used by sad but well intended people to keep you stagnant. These Jedi mind tricks are used to control you and will prevent you from living a life for yourself.

Look, for your and if you have a family, for your family’s health, wealth and safety don’t settle. Usually this settling “advice” comes from folks who may mean well but are socially, economically and politically invested in maintaining the status quo. They are looking out for their interests and not yours. So how do we avoid settling?

  • First you have to know what you want. I know how people feel about lists but how we are supposed to know what we want without one. Create one for each of the major activities in your life and set standards. Some examples are creating one for where you live or want to live, what you want to do with your life, who you want to be with, etc. In those lists set boundaries. If someone crosses the line or if a situation becomes unacceptable move on. People will know you are not playing and will respect you for it. We only behavior accept what we think we deserve and remember sis you are worthy of greatness.
  • Second, learn to trust yourself. For example, if you want to move out of a dangerous community move. If you want a new job put your resume out on job sites and see if you get responses. If you get one go for it. If you are dating someone you really don’t care for move on. Listen to that inner voice.  It is there for your protection and 99.9% of the time it is usually right.
  • Make it a habit of doing things that please you. Go hang with the girlfriends! Take that dance class. Start a new blog. Get your hair done. Buy a Groupon/Living Social massage. Go on a trip. Just take the time out to love some you.
  • Next, turn the noise off. Noise includes negative people, books, websites, etc. If we listen to something enough times we tend to believe it. Instead try focusing on things, activities and people that can help you develop as an individual and that really make you happy.
  • Then challenge yourself into doing something you always wanted to do. Start a small side hustle, write a song, or skydive. When we challenge ourselves we empower ourselves. Get empowered!
  • Finally, set a goal for yourself and aim high. When you eventually reach that goal aim even higher. You would be surprised to see how far you can go.

We must never settle for OK or just good enough. If you do you will never be happy or fulfilled. You will always search for more and usually it is in all the wrong places.. The problem isn’t that our standards are low too. People are unhappy because their standards are not high enough.  So aim high and get started living.