Culture

I object to racio-misogyny so that means I hate Black men. WHO KNEW???

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I  don’t hate Black men. I don’t make videos saying that I hate them. I don’t call them hair rags because they wear du-rags. I don’t tell them what to wear or how to wear their hair. I don’t believe I have say over the expression of their sexuality. I don’t say light skin Black men or nonBlack men are the best. I don’t create antiBlack men memes, Facebook pages or Twitter accounts. I don’t call Black men hood or ghetto. I don’t create websites dedicated to their crimes. I don’t say Black men would find a good woman if they knew how to provide. I don’t say no one wants Black men. I don’t blame Black men for my failures. I don’t say all Black men are out of shape and broke to justify who I love or marry.  I don’t make rap songs calling Black men nappy headed negros, boys or bucks. I don’t say dark skin men have bad credit but light skin Black men can’t take a punch in the face. Unlike those Black men who have said this about Black women I don’t hate them at all. I hate racio-misogyny. That’s the BIG DIFFERENCE.

If objecting to someone calling me a bitch, a hoe or a nigga equates to me hating Black men so be it. If objecting to child marriage,  patriarchal religions and limiting  Black women and girls access to education means I hate Black men so be it. If objecting to sexual and physical abuse equates to me hating Black men so be it. If saying we should end gang violence and address the 57% of Black children abandoned by their fathers means  I hate Black men so be it. If saying that Black women should view the Black community the way Black men see it means I hate Black men oh well. If telling Black women they should leave violent communities and  put their basic needs, safety and emotional, spiritual and financial health first means I hate Black men so be it. If demanding that Black organizations stand up for Black women and girls the way they do for Black men and boys means I hate Black men so be it.

I will not apologize for my perspective or standing up for my humanity. I will not cower in a corner and wish it would go away. I will not say silent out of faux skin color unity. I am a realist. I see what I see and I write how I see it. It’s not my problem that you don’t like it. You know what? Perhaps it is your perspective of Black men, your low expectations of them and what they are capable of that needs to change. Not mine. Now who is really the one who hates Black men? Not me. 

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19 comments

  1. POBW 8 May, 2014 at 13:48 Reply

    It’s funny that every time many of these males are criticized then on anything then that automatically say that we hate them, and this is the exact same crap that will keep them right where they are which is at the bottom. They can say what they want about black women but at the end of the day black women are succeeding at a much higher rate than them. I can tell you that I have a magnificent father who has been married to my mother for 40 years and I love my father (who is a black man) with every thing in me. Black men really just need to get it together because their social status is causing them to be a big joke

  2. Nurse 8 May, 2014 at 16:59 Reply

    Black men will continue to go thru HELL until they turn from their ways of thinking Black Women are the enemy. BM will perish cause they do not protect those who were placed her to help them…..Black women have had their lights to come on and now that we have pulled ourselves from the obscurity they left us to be devoured by, the world is laughing at them; because despite all things WE ARE VERY RESILIENT. We know how to make a way our of NO WAY! and it is sad that they have recognized this all to late….water rises to its own level and steel sharpens steel….and BM do not measure up to the standards of their global counterparts….and they long for the days that BW would sacrifice themselves for the betterment of BM….. and they are just getting a taste of their own medicine….BM can always dish it out, but can rarely take the same medicine and swallow it…..

  3. ak 10 May, 2014 at 06:20 Reply

    I’m indifferent to black men and their ‘condition’ but I don’t have time to hate any human being at the moment because for one thing they’re usually not worth it.

  4. ak 10 May, 2014 at 07:30 Reply

    Hi Bougie Black Girl, you don’t have to explain and make excuses for the way you feel to black men or other black women at all. You don’t even need to clarify your position because your posts read clearly enough.

    People don’t WANT to get you or get ‘it’. They just want black women and girls to slave away working their fingers to the bone for all other black people, especially black men and boys, until their last dying breath and if those slaving dogsbody-type black women drop dead from stress and ill health well then their black churches can always see to their burial and other arrangements and that’s how they see things for the most part.

  5. Hipster B 12 May, 2014 at 19:18 Reply

    For someone who doesn’t hate black men, you sure attract a lot of readers that do. That being said, I’m willing to believe that I misjudged you.

    • Sena 20 May, 2014 at 14:28 Reply

      I bet not as much as BM hate postings about BW do. In all honesty, I’ve been reading BBG’s articles and following comments, and haven’t really picked up on any “hate” towards BM. What I have observed is BW making wise choices and changes for their own betterment. If that means hate to you then Whateva!

  6. Aussette 14 May, 2014 at 09:28 Reply

    Can we have a discussion about the MRA’s who are pretending to care about gender equality, yet only want to focus on gender equality when it can be used to complain about women who hit men. These same people go back to being misogynistic pigs who go back to oppressing women when gender equality can no longer be used to paint men as the victim? Because I’m getting a lot of that from this Solange v.s. Jay-Z discussion.

    I’m not saying I support hitting, but I’m sick of MRA’s pretending to care about the broader issue of gender equality when they really don’t.

  7. firefly 16 May, 2014 at 20:35 Reply

    Hi Bougie,
    Don’t you just love it. Black men complain we don’t like them when it becomes obvious that we are not looking for them. Sigh, has it dawned on anyone else yet with the NFL guy coming out as gay and kissing his white man lover that. 1 black men unlike black women are not questioned about who they choose and who they love nearly as much as black women. 2 That if, a black man wants to be with a white woman or a white man better not say anything about it and the history of white blah, blah,blah. How is it for black women?

    Can’t do or say anything without angry black men finding their way to a black women’s blog and have a bat guano fit. This should be another indicator that we as black women need to look after us first and foremost cause they sure are.

    Yes ladies live, rise and shine and see the power, majesty, masculine nature in all men. Let your beauty shine as only you can and forget the rest.

  8. Lady A 19 May, 2014 at 04:00 Reply

    I’ve been a long time reader and had to speak on this.

    See doll, there’s levels to this entire thing. Shaming excuses like “Hating black men” “Helping the white man” or “Divide and conquer” are all silencing tactics used by these black men who help perpetuate racio-misogyny to keep black women silent and confined. They do this because black women speaking out against something they view as a strategic move threatens their egos.

    This chicken little approach by black men to black womanists, black women dating inter-racially, black women owning their own identity and image is nothing more than black men feeling like they’re losing control and power.

    Black people believe anti-black misogyny, sexism and patriarchy= the black male’s masculinity and the only little source of power they have to match white men.

    For them having a grip on black women, allows them to have that little ounce of power and control they think will level the power and control white men have. Black men don’t hate white men for being white, they hate the power they have, you know being able to get what they want with the flick of a wrist. This is all this is about, and you all need to play close attention.

    Being able to control and dictate something at their own pace and expense and then provide the finish product to show is like them saying “See look I can own and control something too just as well as you can”.

    If this was about unity and constructing the black family, why don’t they approach their brethren the same when it comes to the berating and belittling of black women? Or black men inter-racially dating and marrying out at a higher rate then black women? Because they believe black men marrying inter-racially is a tool to dismantle white male patriarchy. Birthing children through the black man’s sperm= black male dominance. The same patriarchy they use in the black community that harms and hurts black women. They have no problem with sexism, patriarchy and misogyny as long as it’s in the hands of black men.

    It’s all about obtaining power. Black women like you and I get in the way of them obtaining this power because the main focus is suppose to be them. Don’t forget the ride or die “Nothing but a brotha” sista soldiers who also have the same views they have. It if ain’t for black men, they don’t want in.

    You can tell who the sista soldiers are, the one’s who try to make sure we all see the good in every black man from the hood/ghetto thugs to the Barack Obama type brothas, but batter black women with respectability politics. We do this to prime and primp black women into an image that will compliment and make black men look good, therefore aiding in their mission to try to one up white men.

    That’s also why the black experience is reduced to black men vs. white men. When you look at the discussion of racism and the topic of race, black men are always the main representation, never black women.

    When black women speak out against racio-misogyny that also means holding black men accountable. See in the black community this is forbidden as they believe it taints the black male image. We need for black men as a collective group to always be seen as victims about everything, even when it comes to racio-misogyny. This helps level their images with white men. It’s all about leveling black men with white men. This is all these chicken little black men care about.

    That’s why they feel entitled to tear down black women, but when the same is done to them, it’s some kind of conspiracy and must be put to an end. They’re hypocrites, along with their loyal sista soldiers who only care about themselves. Just like white feminists and white racists they all are trying to get the same level of power so they can be on top. They care about no one else but defeating who they think is their nemesis.

    More sistas (especial loyal sista soldiers) need to wake up and pay attention.

  9. Anne 1 August, 2014 at 13:31 Reply

    I was on Facebook one time, and the subject was a man named Umar Johnson, who is another pseudo-intellectual as far as I’m concerned. He was talking about a school for black boys, and I along with other black women made the point that there should be equal investment in educating black girls. I even referenced the letter that more than 200 black men wrote to the president about how focusing on the concerns of black men/boys at the expense of those of black women/girls in the form of programs like “My Brother’s Keeper” would ultimately be self-defeating. They made the point that the problems of black women/girls would still have to be addressed because women are the ones who raise both boys and girls. It was appalling to read the responses of other black women who accused me and other black women of being “crabs in the barrel.” I can only attribute it to their being so thoroughly brainwashed that they can’t see how going against their own best interests is not going to make black men do what they won’t do for themselves.

  10. 18Amk 7 October, 2014 at 17:02 Reply

    Good post and article. Racio misogyny should be an issue addressed more in society because it is killing Black women’s spirits, time, energy and destroying our race in America. Blacks males of all ages in America verbally abuse Black women by calling us ugly, nappy headed hoes, ugly, dark bitches and physically assault us by beating us if we refuse their advances or even killing us. As a result, many Black American women suffer from low self esteem or even depression. Worst of all, Black women are trained to support Black men by financially supporting him while he has no money even if he is a ex con or living off of you. In the end, he gets where he needs to be and leaves you for a White woman. So it works out for Black women at the end, huh? Lol
    Racio misogyny is part of the reason why I left the so called “conscious” movement because these so called conscious movement only wants Black women to sacrifice their time, money and energy to uplifting Black men. It is funny because African American men hate us with a passion yet they can’t live without us. Thus many Black women’s spirits have been beaten down so much that they are willing to go against their own interests just to please the Black Masta “Kang” . It is sad. I am glad I figured this all out at my age before I deal with any African American man and I am not even 20 yet.

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