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Bougie Black Girl hates Black men!

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I’ve been outed. I’ve been accused of being a Black man hating pro gay black feminist. Black man hating? Naw, what I really hate is Black patriarchy and misogyny.

You see Black patriarchy and misogyny goes against my common sense and of course my self interests. Why in the world would I support any individual or system that discriminates against me? I love me some me too much! Why in the world would anyone expect me to act against my own interests? Chile no! And to conflate Black men with hating Black patriarchy & misogyny is utterly ridiculous and says a lot about the people who do. They’re usually the proBlack patriarchy & misogyny crowd who hate Black women. They’re mad because I tattled on them here, here and of course here. Click the links to find out how!


As to being called a pro gay black feminist, look at god. Yes I’m and I graciously accept the honor of being called progay. I dedicate this moment to my Uncle (RIP) who was a proud gay Black military man. He, like many of our LGBTQ relatives raised, nurtured, protected and loved us. Why the hell would I reject my own people? Unlike like the small but vocal community of Black homophobes,  I am really proBlack and being proBlack means embracing, celebrating and loving the spectacular diversity of the Black experience.

I do want you to know I’m not a feminist nor am I Black nationalist. While I love the Black nationalists aspects of entrepreneurship and self-reliance and the feminist aspects of equal pay, equal rights, contraceptive services, etc it’s the other crap that turns me off. Here’s why:

Black nationalism = proBlack male patriarchy (It’s Black male centered)
Feminism = Pro White women (It’s White women centered)
Womanism (some may disagree) = May on the surface seem for Black women, still centers on Black men. (It’s like Black women are deciding between saving the world or saving ourselves. Many would choose the world.  While admirable, self-sacrificing isn’t for me.)

As a Black woman, I don’t fit into any of these boxes. I prefer to do what members of the Black male nationalism and White Woman feminism movements do and that’s to put myself first. I know its shocking for some to see a Black woman put her needs first instead of self-sacrificing, fixing and uplifting others. But one day I just up and decided that I was worthy of loving, protecting and uplifting myself.

If you want to label me, I would call myself proBlack woman. My definition of a proBlack woman means focusing on our community’s most ignored and disrespected population. Who are they? Black women and our children. So you see my friends I simply refuse to trade an oppressive White supremacist patriarchy for a proBlack nationalist one. I am pro-me. I hope this clears everything up.

The only limit you have is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.

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  1. Aisha Konneh 7 January, 2016 at 16:47 Reply

    I absolutely love this post. I always try explaining to some of my black girlfriends how much I can’t stand those basic black boys that will preach, “Black Lives Matter,” only because they just heard that a brother got killed…But have no idea about the sisters that are also getting killed. As an older sister to 2 black boys, I will support black boys and men, forever and always; but sometimes I feel like they’re not in it to support us black girls and women.

  2. Melissa 7 January, 2016 at 18:01 Reply

    Your stance is healthy and necessary in today’s environment. I’ve had to take this stance (proBW) in my own family. Our resources are expected to be community accessible/property with zero reciprocity. No ma’am! The narrow-minded, selfish knee-jerk reaction to this new (and growing) attitude being adopted by BW is evidence of the devaluation of our humanity in the eyes of many….too many of them are BM. Dare I say they lead the charge…

    We would be damned fools if we continued in our previous path…..yes ma’am, you are doing the proper thing!

  3. Chay86 7 January, 2016 at 18:14 Reply


    “And to conflate Black men with hating Black patriarchy & misogyny is utterly ridiculous and says a lot about the people who do.” Exactly. And the fact that it is taken as a personal attack on Black men shows just how intertwined many of their identities with patriarchy/misogyny. criticizing those ideas is tantamount to criticizing their very existence.

  4. Jacqueline 9 January, 2016 at 17:59 Reply

    I think anytime black women find the confidence and self love they should have, it means one more sister waking up and tending to herself, comforting and nurturing herself, and living her best life and dreams frightens those supportive of the status quo.
    The status quo has ALWAYS BEEN status NO for us.
    It always will be.
    We make our own status….and that is powerful.

  5. Pro Black Women 12 January, 2016 at 12:44 Reply

    But I cannot believe it’s the start of a brand new year (2016), and we are STILL seeing articles about Black Men. I enjoy BWE (Black Women’s Empowerment) sites (or similar sites) but I’d like to skip the Black Man Articles and focus on empowering black women. BM are up to the same things they were up to last year- bashing us, not building, trying to slander us online and in the public eye, and getting shot like clay pigeons by cops. Nothing new there. Nothing positive.

  6. Meag 19 January, 2016 at 11:23 Reply

    This post was utterly uninformative. Just what was I supposed to learn here? That you use simple logic to disassociate yourself with just causes that take time out of your day to fight for? It is easy NOT to be something. . . It is much hared to work toward a cause you believe in. If you had given more specific and passionate reasons as to why you don´t ascribe to these labels, then I´d buy it. This is just an excuse to be self-involved, the same way that people glance over homeless persons who ask them for money–so they don´t have to bother about giving a damn about anyone else but themselves.

    P.S. I see you only like to read and comment on posts that have agreeable replies…
    Check out all the flack you got in 30 Light Skin Privileges. . . Let´s hope you will learn something there.

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