Unlike Black men, why Black women do not put our interests first


Image via The of Being Feminine ™

Being pro-Black woman doesn’t mean you are antiBlack man. I feel like I have repeated this for the 1,000th time but it needs to be repeated. It means like Black men have done during every single social and political movement, Black women must put our political, physical, financial and social interests first. I believe Black women must become pro-Black woman in order to have our issues resolved. If we do not, things will simply stay the same. Why have Black women’s issues been ignored even though we have actively participated in every civil rights movement? It is my opinion that Black women and Black men have been conditioned to have two different perspectives of the Black community.
I believe the difference between Black women and Black men is that Black men see themselves as men who happen to be Black. That’s why some do not protect and march for Black women. That is why some are also actively promoting and upholding patriarchal and intraracial racist beliefs. Ask yourself when was the last time there was an act of injustice against Black women that Black men en mass were actively involved in? Was it equal to the level of participation Black women conducted during the Trayvon Martin situation? We know the answer. However these same people expect Black women to march in protest for them.
Black women, unlike every other group, see themselves as Blacks who happen to be women. Racial identity comes first. We have subconsciously adapted the mentality that “all women are White and all Blacks are men.” Because of this, black women are fully invested in alleviating and eradicating all of problems within the black community (Black men’s issues) but it comes at a cost. Issues like the epidemic of sexual abuse committed against Black girls under the age of 18, the 64,000 missing Black women and girls, street harassment, domestic violence, black girls having the highest school suspension rate and other pressing issues are often ignored. However, issues pertaining to Black men and boys are constantly acknowledged and steps are being taken to end it, i.e. “My Brothers Keeper.” The sad thing is that we accept it because we believe this is how it is supposed to be. We are meant to be servants. Basically while saving our sons we are ignoring and minimizing the cries and pain of our daughters.
Many Blacks are uncomfortable with the notion of Black women seeing ourselves as women who are Black because it means demanding reciprocity just like every other group. They use words like feminists, bitches, “divide and conquer” and others to bully Black women into submission and silence. Quite honestly, they are invested in maintaining the status quo which means ignoring the needs of Black women and putting Black men’s issues first. I’m not asking you to align yourself with White feminist nor am I asking you to be antiBlack man. Many of us have wonderful people in our lives who are feminists and or Black men. However, I am asking you to do what every other group has done. Black women must put our needs, wants, safety and health first. Break the 400 years of mammy, maid and servant service conditioning. If we don’t, things will never change and we will continue to suffer in silence. We owe ourselves more than that.
Thanks for reading.



  1. 18Amk 24 July, 2014 at 21:23 Reply

    So true. We need to separate our image and self from Black men in America and in the West because they don’t reciprocate and don’t protect us from being attacked in the media. In fact, many of these so called “Brothas”(I digress in calling these men that because I never felt culturally obliged to them nor do I feel a emotional and cultural connection to them) have done much harm to the women in their ethnic group than good. And others see that African American and Black men in the West don’t protect us so it is easier for these other groups to use Black women for their own agendas and disrespect us. It is a sad reality we live in. Thus we need to speak up against colorism, racio misogyny, intraracial and patriarchial sexism and misogyny that Black women in America and the Qest go through

  2. LorMarie 24 July, 2014 at 22:02 Reply

    Here, here. I learned the hard way to put my sex/gender ahead of my race. Best decision I’ve ever made. The only brothers I have are those that are blood related. The sooner a black woman realizes that, the better.

  3. ~T 24 July, 2014 at 23:41 Reply

    You know what? Thinking back in my friendships with other races of women throughout the years, I’ve heard them say, “I don’t date [insert men of their race/ethnicity here] men. And they say this with no guilt. If they feel that the men of their race/ethnicity don’t match up with what they want, then they don’t feel the need to stick it out to “fight”. Even my sister-in-law (who is Hispanic) has said she doesn’t date Hispanic men. It’s not self-hate, it’s just looking out for oneself. Even my mother (I’m 20, she’s in her early 50s) has said that try to marry a white man because he has a higher chance of treating you better. At first I was like, “Wow, ma I wouldn’t expect you to say that” and she went on to say that when she was growing up in the south, things like that didn’t happen, and told me some stories of local people “found” dead. But now she says that she would give it a try if she wasn’t married. It’s not a “hate” thing it’s doing the best thing for you, even if the alternate choice is not 100% perfect.

    This is a good time for black women actually. We have the freedom to change our lives, and a lot power too. If we could just see it, our lives will be a lot better, and so will the lives’ of our future generations.

  4. jane 25 July, 2014 at 07:13 Reply

    Emotionally, I never felt a connection to black men. Even as a child and teenager. I’m also not anti-black male, I’m just against unhealthy relationships.

  5. MixedUpInVegas 26 July, 2014 at 13:49 Reply

    I have never understood how putting your own interests first and developing your potential more fully is not as important as being a “sistah soulja.” If we are going to benefit from the gift of being born in a free society and thrive in the free world, we have to do our part for ourselves and not allow ourselves to be forced into someone else’s “group think.” Conforming to Black “culture” hasn’t helped the Black community excel and it won’t help Black women get ahead, either. Face it, we live in a competitive, capitalistic society and now more than ever before the cream will rise to the top. We gain nothing as women, mothers, daughters, spouses or Blacks by aligning ourselves with what is fast becoming a permanent underclass.

  6. Godelyve 26 July, 2014 at 20:26 Reply

    via @MixedUpInVegas: “Face it, we live in a competitive, capitalistic society and now more than ever before the cream will rise to the top. We gain nothing as women, mothers, daughters, spouses or Blacks by aligning ourselves with what is fast becoming a permanent underclass.”

    THIS all day. Thank you! *cutting and pasting to Evernote for daily meditation*

  7. Hipster B 27 July, 2014 at 08:08 Reply

    This is pretty delusional. Black women have always put themselves FIRST, just like all other human being on the planet. If they didn’t, they’d have died out a long time ago. I just can’t wait for the Black community and “Black” people to stop existing in the States. It does no good for anyone in this day and age.

  8. The Intellectual ladies empowerment club 1 August, 2014 at 07:02 Reply

    This is what I’m constantly telling black women. You CAN be seperate from black males and thrive; hell you’re not really thriving by identifying yourself as “black first and female second.” The thing that really gets my blood boiling,is that too many black women are constantly trying to explain their choices to the black “group think” crew and the black collective; you don’t have to explain ANYTHING about who you choose to love, how you choose to live and who you choose to let into your life. The chains have been cut and more and more black women are waking up everyday and seeing the bulls**t of the black community for what it is; a trap! It’s a trap for black women; because the mission of most blackistani black women and especially black men, is to keep us single, lonely, and disposable to black males. Well to that, I say hell no! I’m a woman first and black second; I date and love who I want and I’m living how I want. Black males and the black community as a whole can’t do a damn thing for me anymore.

  9. Anne 1 August, 2014 at 13:20 Reply

    My daughter and I were discussing these same issues last night after she got home from work. We both agreed that we are sick and tired of being told we are “selfish” when we reject things we know go against our best interests. It doesn’t matter that those pushing them are black, because it’s obvious that they are among those who expect unreciprocated support. Self-interest is a different thing from being selfish, because self-interest and supporting of others don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Self-interest is about self-preservation and doing all one can to
    enhance the quality of one’s own life.
    However, it IS selfish to expect support that one has no intention of returning in kind. That’s a distinction that’s completely lost on those who chose to remain in Blackistan. It’s a sad commentary that so many black women have internalized the kind of thinking that keeps them from acting in their own best interests. Whether it’s because of the need of male approval, a utopian vision of black unity, or other things, they can’t see the forest for the trees in order to understand that no progress of a race or individual is possible when a group or individual is being subjected to subordination.

Leave a reply