Health and Beauty

Random thoughts: No one is entitled to your time, energy or even attention

lotus-215460_1280As little girls we’re often taught to be kind, courteous and polite to random strangers and awful human beings even to our detriment. We have to be likable to awful human beings. We must allow them into our spaces out of politeness. We are told to speak back when spoken to or listen to some random babbling fool because their gender, title or age.

I hated when my mother taught me this. Even as a child, I knew it was wrong. I asked myself why do I have to speak to this person knowing he beats his wife at home? Why do I have talk to this woman knowing she disrespects her parents? Why do I have to speak to a creepy man who makes me incredibly uncomfortable? And because of this, every time I saw them, when they spoke to me, I had to speak to them. If not, they’d call me rude and it would reflect on my mother’s parenting skills. Why did she do this knowing how it made me feel? I can only surmise my mother was only doing what she was taught and her mother was taught the same by my great-grandmother. Most of it was due to their interpretation religious teachings. I had to unlearn this.

How? I recognized simply existing doesn’t mean everyone should be listened, spoken or paid attention to. Age, sex, income, number of followers, titles or even social standing doesn’t equate to some mystical hidden wisdom or being giving automatic deference. They’re humans. That’s it.

Next, when people rudely interrupted my life, I saw these people didn’t have my interests at heart. They only cared about themselves. They violated my space and wanted to drain me of my time and energy. If they did care, why are they compelled to violate my space? An example is when I posted something on my social media space and a random stranger decides to challenge my comment or even worse my intelligence or looks. Now if I was in a space that encourages debate then I’d understand. Since I wasn’t, this person violated my space. The same thing happens offline when a random stranger says smile, follows you and if you don’t respond how they want you to, well you’re rude even though they interrupted your life.

Look, just because we’re women and because we’re women, it doesn’t mean people are entitled to your time, energy or even attention. We don’t have to be polite or nice. When you are uncomfortable you have a right to set boundaries. Use them. Ignore people, walk away and if you’re on the internet, give yourself permission to not engage and legitimize some random stranger’s opinion. Who cares what they think? Use the darn block button. I use it ruthlessly to protect you. You must do the same for yourself. Protect your time, energy, spirit and mind.

Have a great day. The only limit you have is the one you have placed on yourself. Think and be limitless.

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4 comments

  1. Leslie 14 November, 2015 at 09:23 Reply

    I totally agree. Why do I have to do or that or talk to this person or that person? So tired of society forcing us to be nice to people. As women, it is our right to set boundaries etc…

  2. Stacey 21 November, 2015 at 00:10 Reply

    Hi, just finding your blog. I completely agree that we should not have to be “polite” by speaking to someone harassing us on the street, rude women, rude men. They act however and we are expected to oblige them by still being kind and polite and kill them with kindness.

    I don’t buy into this at all! My mother still has an issue with me standing up to people that are rude or not accepting it. It drives me crazy sometimes.

  3. Raquel 21 June, 2016 at 12:46 Reply

    Hi!! I just found your blog! Thank you for sharing such AMAZING ENCOURAGING!!! I completely relate to this because this is exactly how I’ve always felt, but was afraid of being ridiculed for. People always think I have to give them my time just because they asked for it. I feel like if it doesn’t benefit me, I should be able to decline their requests.

  4. Dustinc108 1 January, 2017 at 20:12 Reply

    I highly disagree. People are as entitled to your time as you are to theirs. I probably wouldn’t be writing this if you weren’t entitled to my time.

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