Family

In the negro please files: When saying “Don’t have kids you can’t afford” makes you EVIL

little girlYou would have thought saying “don’t have kids you can’t afford” was logical common sense but it is not.  One, two and even three children happens but four, five and up come on. Some people find it insulting  that I even think this way. Others are offended at the idea of family planning or being childless. I think these people are bat guano insane. Roll the tape.

I have seen my childless by choice sisters be called selfish because they decided to be child free. Ras clot! I would have done the same thing if I didn’t get married. I was told I was bougie or acting White because I decided to make sure that I am financially able to raise kids before having them. What da BLOODCLOT! Yep, I believe in marriage. I make no apologies for that. I believe it so much that I got married myself.

Anyway, who knew that family planning and personal responsibility was a White thing? Who knew that deciding to wait until marriage or until you are financially secure to have children made you a sellout? Who would have thought that deciding not to breed multiple litters of children by random people meant you are slut shaming?  I didn’t. You know what? You are wrong. It’s called common god darn sense. I swear that many of those people who equate taking responsibility to being “white” or slut shaming want women, specifically Black women to suffer the way they are or the way their mama did. They crabs.  Well screw you and go boil in your stew of struggle. I won’t. I’m enjoying life.

I want to see women, especially Black women to thrive. I make no bones about it. If that means standing up for common sense over being PC I’ll do it. I am tired of being silenced because you don’t want to make people feel bad. They should feel bad. They brought innocent people into a world their selfish ass parents can’t afford. Look you can have all the children you want. Breed like rabbits in heat. I don’t care. It’s a free country but please, please don’t complain about the government helping you because you decided to breed multiple litters. You did it to yourself. We, the government, shouldn’t have to help you because of your bad choices. That’s what the  partner you decided to reproduce with is for. It may take a village to raise a child but some of y’all pump and dump baby makers need nations. Take my humble advice and a tiny dose of common sense. Kids are expensive. Don’t have kids you can’t afford. You will be happier and healthier for it. To find a free clinic click here. They also offer free family planning services. See I do offer solutions. Use them.

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27 comments

  1. Brenda55 15 May, 2014 at 12:54 Reply

    I am also child free by choice and also married.
    I have heard all of the criticisms for doing this. Including being call gay since I have no “proof” that I had ever been with a man. How twisted is that?

    If some out there want to do the single mom by choice bit have at it. From my vantage point is it not such a good deal for most women which is why I passed on that option. Can’t say that I have ever regretted my decision.

  2. Kathy 15 May, 2014 at 13:24 Reply

    I have three children and I love them very much but these days, I don’t know if I would have had children if I had to do it all over again. This world is so messed up.

  3. Kamantha 15 May, 2014 at 14:02 Reply

    I am 38yo, engaged and I have always wanted to wait for marriage to have children. I, too, have heard “you are a homeowner”, “make good money”, “college educated”, “have supportive parents”, “eggs getting old”, etc. I had to learn that those comments are more reflective of the people who said them and not of me and my decisions. I am at peace with the fact that it might not happen (at my age) but that if it does it was on my own terms and that they will be raised in an environment that they will be supported financially and emotionally.

  4. Chele Belle 15 May, 2014 at 14:38 Reply

    I will never stop being amazed at how folks react when as a Black woman you let it be known that not only are YOU NOT SOMEONE’S momma but the decision is by choice. You are deliberately choosing to not have babies. When I say well one of the reason’s I am not a mother is because I am not a wife they just give me a look like ‘How stupid is that!?!?!’. No disrespect to food activist and single mother Tanya Fields but no I am not shedding tears for the side-eyes and other uncomfortable push she is getting. She cried on the shoulder of MSNBC journalist Melissa Harris-Perry at a public meeting about how she feels as she is ‘unmarried with three baby-daddies and four kids’ and at that time she was ‘pregnant with my fifth child and just had this man walk out on me.’ Unless she’s mentally limited there is no reason why she has not figured out what causes babies. I wish Black women like her and their children no ill will. But as long as you keep pushing the agenda ‘any way, any how, no matter’ birth control and motherhood standards than that is what will happen in this so called collective called Black America. And please keep in mind this is not about being perfect, saintly OR White…but responsible.

  5. Kiki 15 May, 2014 at 14:52 Reply

    YES!

    Nothing isn’t wrong with being child free even when married. I have two children, one from a previous relationship and the other by marriage,now divorced. If they KNEW how much it CO$T to raise children from HEAD ON I don’t think they wouldn’t have the nation (touche) and depending on the government. Single parenting is not some grand righteous struggle it a DAYUM struggle! Since I teach the oldest that YOU do not have to have a child around 18, 20, 30 and so on it’s a choice up to her to get married, degree and secure financially. But if you do want to care for a baby get a pet. That’s right, a pet! A cat, dog, squirrel even a pet rock will suffice. I rather for young black girls & women to have pets than babies and baby daddies. More wedding rings and weddings instead of baby showers without the father around and the family taking the hit to help her out.
    Being a responsible person and not wishing having children, doesn’t equal being White just plain common sense..

    And don’t get me started when someone get mad about telling the truth with OWW children and has-been parents who wanna throw the Bible in the mix to justified their misery…

    • Eva 23 May, 2014 at 11:10 Reply

      Amen to this! I’m not married, don’t have children and am fine with it. Some people say, “who’s going to take care of you when you get old?” Is THAT the reason to have children? To have someone to take care of you? How selfish is that? And they say I’m the selfish one.

  6. Claudette 15 May, 2014 at 15:18 Reply

    I wish more people used common sense/wisdom. This topic should not be controversial at all. It should be the default. Sex is amazing, but it can produce children so use birth control and family planning! DUH!

  7. Eugenia 15 May, 2014 at 16:00 Reply

    This is awesome wisdom I wish more ppl used it. I was so cognizant about having children when I could afford them but also with someone I was married to and I thought would be a good father. I refused to have them with my first husband. My 2nd husband we had to take some time but now I am pregnant and I’m glad I waited. Because no matter how much I wanted children I would have never dared have them in a bad situation. Somebody need to think about the kids and not just your right to reproduce with no responsibilities.

  8. Jae 15 May, 2014 at 16:33 Reply

    I find it absolutely amazing and down right insane that individuals will criticize for being smart. I refuse to play a dumb, ignorant, ghetto, no class having, whore just to make the next chic feel adequate or secure. HAVE A SEAT AND GET A CLUE! I will not apologize for being intelligent, grounded, favoured and blessed by God. And will absolutely not hide it to make you feel better. You have the same opportunities as I. Get off your butt and do something.

  9. Jenee 15 May, 2014 at 18:21 Reply

    I absolutely believe in having your priorities in order before having a family. I am a black woman, twenty six with no children. I cannot count how many times I have been told “oh you will change your mind” or received dirty looks when I say that I have no intentions of having children right now. I have a great job that affords me to travel and see the world, so as of right now, no I do not want to give that up.. and I will not be rushed by society.

  10. D,Palmer 15 May, 2014 at 19:30 Reply

    Hello Bougie Black Girl,

    Children are very expensive and time consuming. I myself have no children because I am not marry. Having an older brother who is a loser and mated with a loser, resulting in four children they could ill afford to take care of. Constantly calling my mother and other family members for money to buy food and diapers. My mother feeling sorry for these losers because of the children helping them constantly. Now these children are adults and they are losers also. Some people you cannot help. Education and birth control is wonderful, but vetting would be suitors is important also. Bougie Black Girl you have standards and thank you for this truthful article.

  11. firefly 16 May, 2014 at 20:44 Reply

    Misery loves company. They made a bad or rough decision and don’t want to warn others. Make the best decision you can based off of your situation and desire. It’s not just the baby making thing, but also the decision that could lead to disease, poverty and even jail. A man that won’t protect you and isn’t concerned with his seed is a man you don’t need.

    I think some of this comes from not having parents that informed early on and that leads to trouble most of the time. It takes hard work to prevent and correct such things.

  12. Pip Power 20 May, 2014 at 15:18 Reply

    Yo Babe,

    Whateverhappenedtocommonsense.blogger

    This Bro speaks just like you!

    Blacks want to blame everyone but themselves for their shitpile!

    You are a great example to Black young people, the few who will listen!

    How many races are there in America?
    They have their “shit” together! You don’t hear them wailing about “whitey”! They get on with life, get an education, get a job.

    Blacks do far too much BS & not enough BL aka Book Loving.

    And sad to say, the likes of Jesse Jackson & Al Sharpton have done nothing for the Black cause.

    Them two are PARASITES & live off Black folks ignorance!

    Louis Farrakhan is another PARASITE.

    He NEVER talks of the SLAVERY of Blacks in Sudan TODAY by MUSLIM ARABS. Or what the MUSLIM ARABS did to the Blacks of Africa for 1400 years!

    NO! ITS ALL WHITEY’S FAULT!

    Even Cassicus Clay changed his name to Muhammad Ali, when in FACT, his Great Grand Daddy came from Ireland & MARRIED his Great Grand Mammy.

    You keep on doing what you are doing & in time enough Blacks will see that their future is in their own hands!

    The ONLY chains they have, are the chains on their MIND – CHEMICAL chains & DUMB RAP MUSIC chains!

    GARBAGE IN — GARBAGE OUT!

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    All for you!

  13. Max 29 May, 2014 at 11:34 Reply

    I do think that these women become pregnant based on the promises these men (or any other person of influence) gives them. No one is dumb enough to be a single parent on purpose.

  14. Jam 24 August, 2014 at 00:47 Reply

    I have two daughters. Divorced and people act like i’m crazy for deciding to do it on my own, but call me crazy if you please, i hated marriage and enjoy my life with my daughters much more as a single person. They ask if i was abused, if he cheated, etc. none of those things are true, i just hated marriage, and once i figured that out i stayed long enough to have another child because i wanted them to have the same father and i knew i was never going to do marriage again with any one and a sibling for my first born was important, and i also wanted to finish my master’s degree so i could afford to take care of them on my own if need be. I’m a homeowner,college educated, girls in good private schools, etc. But it was my choice and i didn’t want to be married anymore. I tried after divorce with my ex husband, (my children’s father) but i came to the same conclusion, i didn’t love him like that. If i hadn’t listened to the elders around me who pressured me into thinking marriage was my only option, i likely wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Judge not ye, let ye be judged. at the end of the day, i am happy with my choice.

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