100 Days to A Brand New YouCulture

Black Women Think Like Black Men. Leave the Black Community Behind.

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For Black women to survive and thrive Black women must say good-bye, adios, and sayonara  to the Black community. I am not asking you to give up your Blackness or leave the people we love behind. We can’t. We will always be Black but we must collectively see ourselves the way Black males see themselves. Black men see themselves as men who happen to be Black, hence racio-misogyny. Black women must see ourselves as women who happen to be Black so that we can pursue interests that serve us. It’s time to leave the Black community utopia purple unicorn, Easter bunny, tooth fairy and Santa Claus  myth behind and grow up.

Don’t believe me about Black men seeing themselves as men who happen to be Black? Not once have you heard the same Black men in entertainment who were demanding for the removal of Donald Sterling from their court side seats and twitter feeds say #bringbackourgirls. But you did see Black women share in the push to get Sterling removed. So where are “our” Black men?  Saving and thinking about themselves. The fact is that these Black men will not take part in any collective outrage unless it is about them. Not even the kidnapping, buying and selling of little Black girls can move them. Have y’all seen BET or rap music? They damn near condone it. But by all means they will remind you to please go see their movie, buy their album and fight internet wars in their name.  If that doesn’t show you where they stand nothing what will. I won’t call these men selfish. No, they are smart. They use their collective capital to serve their own interests. I want Black women to do the same.

Please, please, please don’t tell me about a strong “Black community” when by the age of 18 60% of Black American girls have faced sexual abuse and when our girls in Black nations aren’t even safe. Please don’t tell me about the Black community when young men are killing each other and innocents over blue and red rags made in China. Please don’t tell me about the Black community when 80% of Black American fathers have abandoned their role as primary care taker. I don’t do mythical trolls, dragons, two-legged ponies, rabbits feet or make-believe. The numbers speak for themselves.

Of course there are those Black women who believe in a “Black community.” They blind. Really, I don’t blame them. They are holding on to a set of lies that was sold to them by people who know that lie will never ever benefit Black women. They cling to lies because it makes them feel good while that same racio-misogynistic Black man in the Black community is calling them a bitch. They need the roles given to them because without the role of maid, mammy, Jezebel and Sapphire, without someone victimizing them or humiliating them they have no identity and they are free. Freedom is scary. So guess who benefits from holding out the mythical cookie of the Black community? Not Black women.  What I find incredibly funny is that many of these Black women who decry the evils of America’s racist patriarchal society have no problem with a racio-misogynistic one headed by Black men. Hypocrisy much?

I have a question. In the past let’s say 30 years what has the Black community done for you? How has it improved the lives of Black women that Black women haven’t done for themselves? What policies has it enacted to make your life better? Has it protected you? Has it uplifted your image? Has it offered you support? Has it stood up for you? We all know the answer. Hell to the naw so why do you willfully choose to take part in an infrastructure that does not specifically benefit you? I will say this over and over, race loyalty ended when Black people profited from calling me a bitch. Race loyalty ended when Black people mocked the pain of Black women in slavery. And race loyalty ended when Black people became White supremacists. When will it end for you? Me take that? I love being Black but I love myself even more. Be loyal to yourself. Be” you” first and live your life.

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59 comments

  1. Chele Belle 7 May, 2014 at 10:49 Reply

    Thank you for making it so clear…the problem and most importantly the solution. Black American women need to walk away. Don’t cuss or fuss…no dueling arguments about who is suffering more…just a clear and concise understanding that not all skinfolk are kinfolk and one really should give as good as you get…no more no less. Hopefully Black American women will learn to quit grading Black men on a curve…cause trust and believe that type of consideration is not being extended to the average Black American woman.

  2. Brian 7 May, 2014 at 12:33 Reply

    If your “race loyalty ended when Black people became White supremacists.” Then the white supremacist have won. So please leave the black community and take the crabs in barrel negros, deadbeat dads/moms, sexual deviants and rapping baboons with you. We don’t need you.

    One Love
    – Black Community

  3. Brian 7 May, 2014 at 12:40 Reply

    Oh and dont forget the “waitn’ fo white jesus to save us” negros. Please take them on your “all 4 one and none 4 all” campaign. That’ll do us all a solid.

    One love
    – Black Community

    • Mags 7 May, 2014 at 13:36 Reply

      @ Brian see ya! We don’t have time to be apart of a group that hates and demeans us. So good luck with the broke down blck community.

    • Ebony 8 May, 2014 at 12:25 Reply

      I agree Brian.
      This article is full of hurt, bitterness and “advice” that would do more harm than good.
      Yes, as Black Women, we should put ourselves First. Once we are healthy and whole, we should share our love and strive to improve the Black Community.
      Both Black Women and Men have suffered from the conditioning of our past oppressors. We should work towards moving past this and improving our lives & our community TOGETHER.
      If Black Women were to abandon our community, it would be the equivalent of siding with those who would still love to see us in shackles.
      Don’t fall for the okie doke.

      • 18Amk 24 July, 2014 at 09:11 Reply

        You Black male identifying idiot, Black American men and the African American collective could care less about Black women. So why do you want to “save” Black men from “da evil” White man so that he could get himself a White woman? Why waste your time, energy and child bearing years on these people? At the day, they are all a waste of time

  4. Bougie Black Girl 7 May, 2014 at 16:17 Reply

    It is hilarious to see how Black men are threatened by Black women saying no more especially when Black men have been doing it for decades. Crime, drugs, gangs, rap music, etc. The idea of the Black community died a long time ago. Face it.

  5. SP08 7 May, 2014 at 17:34 Reply

    I really wish Black males would go away and spare us the false outrage. The jig is up. We see the con game for what it is, so you Black Kangs can go head and run a destitute kingdom full of paupers and Mandingo court jesters. I as a Black woman have had enough of you cowardly coons. Get lost…

  6. Kitana 7 May, 2014 at 17:48 Reply

    Why do these offended black men that run to these articles in seconds never around when black women are being dissed or suffering. They only show up for themselves.

    • SP08 7 May, 2014 at 19:03 Reply

      Generally Black males don’t care about anyone but themselves. Their hypocrisy is evident in the last few weeks. They have abandoned our women and children and think screwing like Mandingos makes them a man. I’m over that entire tribe. American Black males are a lost breed and there are but a few who aren’t tainted by the filth of Blackistan, and those few are probably with women of other races and/or color struck coons.

  7. Papillon 7 May, 2014 at 20:05 Reply

    Look at all these butt-hurt males coming in here and commenting. What a surprise. (NOT!)

    What’s funny is that they are actually proving the article’s point. They only show up when it’s about them, scolding women about break free from the denigration, disrespect and destruction of the black community.

    To any black women reading this article, let me say this. And I beseech you to please take this to heart:

    Never, EVER let a black person (men in this case) use your blackness AGAINST YOU to shame, guilt trip, or berate you into putting up with abuse, neglect, disrespect, devaluation, and apathy for the sake of the black community.

    These types of men will come into forums like this to scold and insult black women who have finally woken up to her condition and position in the black community and use your blackness to shame you back in. Meanwhile, these same men won’t say one bo peep about the men of their race and how they treat women. They’re looking out for themselves first. Again:

    “Black women see themselves as black first, where black men see themselves as men who happened to be black.” They condone misogyny and ill treatment of their women, put sex and ego over the well being of black women, and will put his maleness before blackness when it comes to women, especially black women.

    It’s time to stand up and say “I’m tired of this shit.” And chuck the deuces. Free yourself.

  8. Sena 7 May, 2014 at 20:33 Reply

    @ Hipster B… That’s just it though. The post isn’t about BM or their “feelings” so stop trying to make it be. (Talk about proving the point of the post) BW keep looking out for you.

  9. Shannie 7 May, 2014 at 22:10 Reply

    I totally agree with this but collectively as black women we are deaf and numb to put our self interest ahead of this mythical utopia that does not serve nor benefit us largely.

    Here is the proof black men aren’t shit…

    The white and Asian women that deal with them end up having the same problems black women have been complaining about for years.

    Black men leave their biracial babies behind just like their black ones. Check out this video of this white woman schooling other white women about how black men act after her experience
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03O7wZce3dc

    Look at coons like Tikki Barber who leave abandon their biracial children.

    Black women are outpacing black men by leaps and bounds. They in large have nothing to offer but their dicks. They want to be leaders but can’t–they are to emasculated by white men and therefore take out their rage on black women and girls because those are the only people on earth who can be controlled by them.

    Its time for sisters to wake up. Stop supporting black men collectively. The few who are good suppport them but stop giving these men your blanket loyalty when you get nothing but HELL in return. Stop having bastard babies by them too.

  10. firefly88 8 May, 2014 at 02:29 Reply

    It doesn’t even need to be all of this. We know that nothing is going to be by them men in the Nigerian government to save those girls. That was not the first kidnapping by these crazy men and most likely won’t be the last. These black men in power and the black men celebrities are dragging their feet at best saying or doing anything about it. But it is also the rest of the world. No one feels an urgency to protect black girls or women except black girls and women and the few who are some how related to them. In general one see the tragedies of black men taking center stage way more often than that of black women and girls. Malcolm was right when he said that black women and girls are the most unprotected group in the world. Yet, again black women are learning that we can depend on no one, but ourselves. We are so easily tossed aside and when we on a black women’s blog talk about the realities of our surroundings and how we need to expect reciprocity for what we give and if, none is there move on and give to ourselves we are scolded by men who profess to not care and some down right hate us.

  11. Eva 8 May, 2014 at 07:53 Reply

    I read this post and she is NOT telling black women to hate black men. What she’s telling black women is to put themselves first, be selfish in a good way, care about yourself.

    To leave the black community means, to me, to think for yourself; do your own thing. Don’t let people tell you nonsense like, “blacks don’t swim/ski/go to the opera/go to the ballet/ enjoy high tea/go to hockey games.

    If you enjoy those things, you do them! Don’t let some ignorant fool tell you that because you’re black you’re not supposed to do something.

    Where I live we have a synchronized swim team and guess what? They’re all black. So don’t listen to people tell you what you can’t do because you’re black, they’re all just full of it.

  12. Sherman 8 May, 2014 at 11:16 Reply

    Ummm I think you should live the community you want because the numbers you quote are horribly wrong or misconstrued. At the end of the day you see what you want. For example when music begin to call Black Women a bitch many Black Men stop listening and actually the sells of the music wasn’t in the Black Community nor did the money to market the music come from this community and Black on Black violence is akin to all racial or ethnic violence. In other words Jews Kill Jews, Whites Kills Whites but it is not in the news with it’s own special section and headline that says White on White Violence. I think you are too intelligent for you to go off what you see I personally don’t believe this is your true feelings so I say you change the community you have the power.

  13. IO24 8 May, 2014 at 16:01 Reply

    Some black women have an unhealthy relationship with our race–YEP I said it. They are so he!!-bent on reproducing blackness to finally develop this mythical utopia that even after black men have stopped fighting and decided to conform, they are still chasing it. How do you expect to advance the race if black men don’t put in work? How do you expect to fight this “war” when half the soldiers are not on your team, but a good number of them are actually against you?
    In the first place, what have black men even accomplished for our race that inspires your confidence in their ability to finally be about something? This article of faith that the black man will lead black people to victory is based on what exactly? Let’s stop the nonsense, BW.
    Nation- and community-building globally has fallen largely in the domain of men’s work. Why should the roles reverse for black women and men, and with the expectation that black women continue to take on the women’s responsibilities? That’s twice the work for black women and half for black men. That is out of order. Furthermore, notice that when black women are trying build things up, black men are ready to tear it down–that includes black communities, black women’s self-esteem, and family structures. More black women have got to wake up. Can’t keep doing the same non-fruitful things and expecting different results.

  14. NomdePlume 28 May, 2014 at 06:44 Reply

    Wunderbar! A thousand times, yes!

    com·mu·ni·ty (kə-myo̅o̅′nĭ-tē) n. pl. com·mu·ni·ties
    1.
    a. A group of people living in the same locality and under the same government.
    b. The district or locality in which such a group lives.

    2.
    a. A group of people having common interests: the scientific community; the international business community.
    b. A group viewed as forming a distinct segment of society: the gay community; the community of color.

    3.
    a. Similarity or identity: a community of interests.
    b. Sharing, participation, and fellowship.

    4. Society as a whole; the public.

    Nowhere does it say a community must share your melanin content. Abandon this mythical ship. Form your own tribe with those who share in your right to live, thrive and prosper. Travel. See the world. Be amazed at how broad your horizon has always been, beyond the confines of a nonsensical and blind loyalty.

  15. Deric 1 June, 2014 at 13:32 Reply

    My fellow black men ya’ll don’t get it. If black women feel this way it is because we (meaning black men) as a collective made them feel this way.

    Don’t respond by saying not all black men because a) black women know that and b) by being defensive it takes away from the issues black women have and makes the conversation all about black men.

    We as black men are letting our greatest strength and our greatest ally BLACK WOMEN lose faith in us. It really is sad.

    Now before any black man reading this says I’ma good black man it does no good to just be a good black man if you aren’t speaking out against the bullshit other black men do, if you aren’t protecting your communities and the women and children, and making other black men step up and do the same.

    My fellow black men let’s stop being so selfish, uncaring, and in some cases down right violent and vindictive towards the women who have always had our backs even though as a collective we don’t deserve it.

    • jerri 6 June, 2014 at 04:29 Reply

      ” In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
      – Martin Luther King, Jr.

  16. The Intellectual ladies empowerment club 1 June, 2014 at 13:38 Reply

    Great article and I applaud you for telling it like it is. Black women need to move on and stop holding on to this fairy tale, of “saving the black community” and “holding it down.” What the hell are we “holding down?” The black community is no more! I give zero craps about the bitter males commenting and their opinions; black males gave up their right to give opinions along time ago. Why should black women care anymore? It’s laughable how these males expect black women to play deaf, dumb and blind; while they continue to do whatever they want. No can do Tyrone! Once a black woman’s eyes are open to the bull crap and lies, you better bet she’s moving on to greener pastures. WHY WOULD ANY WOMAN SIGN UP FOR ABUSE, NEGLECT, AND POOR TREATMENT? Don’t do it anymore black women! Leave Blackistan behind and realize that you are a woman first!

  17. Noah 8 June, 2014 at 10:08 Reply

    Great article. Black women simply must abandon the black community while not abandoning our blackness !!! How should we go about this…. First, take care of our physical appearance, about 50% of black women are overweight, so we need to enhance our appearance so that we can continue to be attractive to other races of men. Stop supporting black men when they get killed by white people. If these men that are being killed by white men are not in your social circle or community, don’t involve yourself in protesting, candle light vigils, etc. Black men seem to always get angry about the occasional black man being killed by whites but refuse to do ANYTHING about the thousands of black men killed yearly by other black men even it’s the greatest threat to our race. Also, Stop participating in the no snitching rule. Why protect men that are bringing violence and murder to the community. When these black men commit crimes turn their asses in to the police. In fact put video cameras in your neighborhoods and let the cameras snitch for you. It worked in a neighborhood in Houston and brought the crime rate down 70%.
    Finally stop supporting these black male celebrities who don’t support the black community. If you constantly see other races of women in these black men’s music videos. Stop giving those artist your money. If these black celebrities make negative comments about black women stop giving them your money. Simply put dont support them in any way. Life is too short to be loyal to men who only have disrespect and abuse for us. Date and marry other races of men. We deserve better and the quality our children lives will certainly improve !!!

  18. Catherine Morrison 3 July, 2014 at 13:01 Reply

    A lot of food for thought! I want to hear more from my sisters. A lot of what is discussed is what I have quietly thought to myself. We are certainly the most unprotected group of women in this country. I have until recently saw black men as victims; but now see who the real victims are; me & my sisters!

  19. NC 7 February, 2015 at 18:20 Reply

    I have completely divested from black collective thinking and the collective altogether. I gotten to the point where I don’t even care about black women anymore even though I am a black woman. Based on my experience, black women are very angry and aggressive also not that they don’t have a reason to be but we need to just be individuals first.

    We need to show our best assets to the world (talents and intellect) to build a better society in general. Fuck the black community. I am a black woman btw. And I don;t care about black males either.

    • Hair Relaxer for BM 4 December, 2015 at 13:46 Reply

      @NC, if you’re not interested in black women then you need not be here and you need not comment. Cut yourself loose and go your own way.And if that way is with black men then so be it, but we here are Pro Black Woman. End of story.

  20. Anaya 7 February, 2015 at 23:06 Reply

    I finally get it, after years of our issues being ignored, constantly being over sexualized and degraded, the non stop disrespect through hip hop music, reading the statistics of rape, domestic violence, and sex trafficking. I also have to mention how they constantly degrade us for women of other races and praise our features as long as its not on us. I have to let go…open up to dating other races and turn my focus to defending black women only. Its too painful to hold on to black love anymore…no loyalty left.

  21. Henry 2 March, 2015 at 04:10 Reply

    We are truly a conquered people; I don’t think there has been another people in human history who has been more hopelessly divided, run a muck, and exhibit self destructive behavior on a consistent bases the way black americans do. That’s all I have to say.

  22. Dakota Winfield 6 April, 2015 at 01:25 Reply

    Fuck all that if black women want to leave black men then get the fuck on then i look at black women as ghetto ass hoes i love them hispanic and asian women no weave natural long hair good luck with finding other races u do know that as a black man we be messing with other races so pleeeeeass leave which u know we been stop giving a fuck about ysll hahaha bitches

    • Hair Relaxer for BM 4 December, 2015 at 13:52 Reply

      I sonder if you are white man or a white woman. I know how nosy the white race is and I’ve caught a white man dna woman fighting/role-playing as a black man and white woman, so….I know black men DO talk like this, but I’m going to ignore your comment because I do think you are a stupid whte person.

  23. Dakota Winfield 6 April, 2015 at 01:34 Reply

    Fuck black bitches thats why we just fucking yall thats it u have three or four different baby daddies i honestly dont care if all of u talk to someone of another race cuz u guys are the most unnattracted women in america so im begging u talk to other races we been doing that i got a phillipian i mess with no weave nappy ass hair fun to be around no ghetto shit and all so yeah fuck black bitches n she loves this 9inch dick

  24. Truthforall2 21 June, 2015 at 17:35 Reply

    Yes! This is true.

    For the most part, Black men do not love Black women. They just want to know that someone will be there for them to fall back if society doesn’t treat them right. They love seeing Black women march for them and protest for them. They also love to blame society for the reasons that they can’t be successful – even though they didn’t attend college or had a 2.0 GPA when they DID attend college.

    Also, they want Black women to believe that no other type of man is interested so that they can have *** with as many Black women as possible. When they are done, they select a multiracial woman or a White woman to marry. However, they don’t want Black women to do the same because no one would be left for them to have *** when the other women divorce them due to the same sick behavior.

    It sickens me that a Black woman can walk around a Black community and Black men won’t even say ‘hello’ unless their trying to get a quickie. Yet, the minute that she is in a relationship with a White man, all of a sudden they want her. It’s ridiculous. I can’t even have Black male friends anymore because even they have started asking for *** – even the ones that know that I’m already taken and about to get married (to a White man).

  25. Jluv 14 October, 2015 at 19:46 Reply

    I see some of the comments are from last year. But I’m happy I ran across this website. I’m tired of sticking up for the black man as well. Being a black woman with a teenage daughter and son, their father abandoned them as well a few years ago.
    I saw how black men started flaunting with the white woman in the early 80’s…especially the sports players.
    I have nothing against inter-racial dating. But don’t abandon your children and leave the responsibility solely on the mother.
    Over 70% of our children are being raised without fathers. Black men need to be ashamed! Not only is America looking at those numbers, but the whole world sees it. How embarrassing!
    Then the black man tried to blame black women by saying we were too loud, opinionated, and not submissive enough, just because we wanted them to stand up and be real men. What GALL the black man has.
    Black women need to tell the truth about black men and realize that we can’t depend on them anymore. We have to educate ourselves, buy our own homes, save our money, and be there for our children.
    Black women it’s time to date outside our race. I see more and more black women doing just that.
    I’ll believe in black men again when they stand up and take charge of their communities and raise their children.

    • Hair Relaxer for BM 4 December, 2015 at 13:57 Reply

      “I’ll believe in black men again when they stand up and take charge of their communities and raise their children.”

      Black men are so tricky that they’d convince black women they’ve changed, and then they’d go right back to their old behavior once the black woman has sacrificed to come back to him. Black men are tricky and deceitful and jealous-hearted.

  26. Jluv 14 October, 2015 at 20:12 Reply

    And then when enough black men get enough white women pregnant in America, then the white woman will finally feel our pain. It’s only a matter of time before he skips out on her children as well.

  27. The Pretty Peachez 28 November, 2015 at 14:03 Reply

    I’m so happy that I have found black women like myself that no longer want to take the bullshit black men throw at us. I don’t understand though that it actually took this long to realize that black men truly did not have our backs at all, not before feminism, not before the civil rights movement and not before slavery. They were truly never on our side, they were only trying to help themselves and unfortunately black women bought the notion that they were fighting for the entire black community which they were not. In all honesty I believe that if the roles were reversed between black and white men today, where black men held all the power and white men were the most oppressed male group, I don’t think anything would be different. There would still be racism, sexism, homophobia but maybe to a much greater extent knowing how aggressive black men are.

    • Hair Relaxer for BM 4 December, 2015 at 14:16 Reply

      I can’t see white men staying down for long if he was oppressed. Because apparently, don’t men run around saying they used to be Kings? And they say they were walking upright when white men were still on all-fours. Black men have claimed they invaded Europe as “Moors” (of course all they claimed to have found was White Women-no surprise there. No gold, no precious jewels, no nothing to help the Black “Moor” Community of old). My point is, apparently white men HAVE been under black men at one point, but WM found a way out of that situation……

      .If BM were ever super successful in modern times, they would betray us. BM got a little power when Obama became POTUS and they started publicly praising non-black women & especially turned white women into their Lord & Saviors.BM can not be trusted at all.

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